INSOMNIA; The CURSE of HYPNOS

                                                                         

                                                We are enfolded, enclosed in darkness

                                                and my love lies quietly

                                                with whispers of sleep.

                                                I am comforted.

                                                A child coughs

                                                my motherhood tenses

                                                silence returns and I relax

                                                and my love lies quietly

                                                with whispers of sleep.

                                                I turn towards him.

                                                An enclosed world on wheels passes

                                                carrying people . . . where?

                                                A confused rooster sleepily crows

                                                but my love lies quietly

                                                with whispers of sleep.

                                                I stir restlessly.

                                                An owl calls to its mate,

                                                a lonely dog barks, sleep eludes me

                                                as chaotic thoughts and worries fill me

                                                while still my love lies quietly

                                                with whispers of sleep.

                                                And I am resentful.

I have suffered from the curse of Hypnos off and on for years – Hypnos the Greek god of sleep; Hypnos’s twin was Thanatos (death) and their mother was the goddess Nyx (night). Hypnos’s palace was a dark cave where the sun never shone and had no door or gate so he would not be awakened, and poppies grew outside the entrance to his cave. The English word “hypnosis” is derived from his name, referring to the fact that when hypnotized a person is put into a sleep-like state. From the Roman equivalent, Somnus, we get the word insomnia as well as somnolent.

I can’t remember suffering from insomnia as a child although there were those nights when I thought there might be someone in my closet or someone outside my bedroom door. Often I would race towards my bed and leap in so whatever was under my bed wouldn’t grab my ankles, but that was usually from sneaking out of bed with my brother and listening on the stairs to Inner Sanctum or some other spooky show on the radio my parents were listening to. Only the Shadow knows with creepy laughter following. Of course, if they knew we were there, they sent us back to bed.

I don’t remember when my attacks of insomnia first started, but I suspect it was when my children were small (four in less than five years) and life started to be overwhelming at times. My children are all grown now and I don’t have the same stresses, but sometimes I still worry about my family; children, grandchildren, siblings, etc.  But these sleepless spells seem to occur most often when I have too much to do or too many commitments. I seldom have insomnia when I’m away on vacation although I remember several times lying awake in my tent when I was backpacking, and it wasn’t from fear.

Not one of my children or grandchildren but still adorable.

I may go several weeks and sleep like a baby and then come the nights when I can’t fall asleep even though I’m sleepy and can’t keep my eyes open. Or I wake up in the middle of the night and can’t fall back to sleep. Research by doctors specializing in sleep disorders tell us that to be at our healthiest, we should get eight hours of sleep or at least seven hours. I try to follow those rules, but some nights my body doesn’t obey my mind. Or is it the other way around? Is my mind being recalcitrant and not allowing my body to sleep? Why can’t I sleep like my dog or cats; anytime or any place? One of my sisters is able to sleep anywhere and never suffers from insomnia although I remember my mother having this problem, too.

Maggie sleeping on the hard floor in my library.

I have read and heard many suggestions for beating insomnia like counting backwards from three hundred down. Sometimes that will work. I’ve tried reciting poetry. That rarely works. I’ve tried softly singing lullabies. It only worked when I was rocking little ones and singing to them. Then I could barely keep my eyes open. I’ve heard warm milk will help one sleep so often I’ll go downstairs late at night and heat up a cup of Cheerios with milk to eat while reading something other than a book, although I suppose a dull book would help. Sometimes that makes me drowsy, but not always. If I truly get desperate because I need my sleep, I may take a tablespoon of nighttime cough medicine, but I rarely do that and never if it’s close to morning. During those wakeful times I often plot my current WIP or create a new character, or think what I should change, but I know if I turn on the computer or lights to write, I will never be able to get back to sleep. In fact, insomniacs are warned against using the computer the hour before going to bed. Of course, we’re warned not to read in bed, too. But that’s one warning I don’t heed. I almost always read when I first go to bed. And many times if it’s close to 5:00 a.m. and even though I’m still tired, I’ll give up trying to get to sleep and get up and start my day, and I’m not one to take naps in the afternoon to make up for the lack of sleep.

Do you ever suffer from insomnia?

If you do, what methods to you use to fall back asleep?