If you’ll take a minute to look down the left side of this blog, you’ll notice that each of the Writers Who Kill has a picture showing their nefarious side – except for myself. As a champion procrastinator, I’ve known I’ve needed to add my own picture for months, but there is one giant obstacle – I am the least nefarious person I know. It’s beyond just looking harmless. People stop me in stores to ask for help when they can’t locate an employee. When I was among the 10 to 15 people who walked around the local junior college on a daily basis for exercise, I was the one whom strangers pulled up beside to ask for directions. Unfortunately for them, I’m not great at giving directions. In the pre-Google-map era, I sent an attorney trying to find my office past our town to another, smaller town 18 miles to our northeast.
I digress. The point is that I am harmless and look helpful, which on a scale from 1 to 10 places my nefariousness somewhere around -5. Then there’s the whole inferiority complex sparked by the creativity of my fellow bloggers. I am still star struck by the other writers in this group and the amusingly nefarious pictures on the left hand side of the blog are yet one more indication of how talented the rest of them are.
But I had to find some way to look nefarious. So I started by taking a selfie wielding a knife. The result? I bear an uncanny resemblance to the Swedish Chef on the Muppets.
Since I found the selfie unimpressive, I decided to think through things a little more, and enlisted my husband to help me. After rummaging through our hall closet (since it’s distantly related to Fibber McGee’s closet, that counts as hazardous duty), we came up with another idea to establish nefariousness.
The dog in the foreground does rather spoil the effect, but she’s our “helper” dog and insists on being involved with everything. However, with the magic of modern technology, she is easily edited out, leaving me with the following:
My husband said the picture would look better if I wasn’t smiling, so we tried again. You will note that the dog still found it necessary to be in the picture.
Cropped, the final result comes out like this:
So, gentle readers, which picture is the best candidate for nefariousness? I could use your advice.