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Friday, May 2, 2014



A few years ago I had many e-mails with the Subject Line: Lonely Russian Women Want to meet you. I always wondered how Russian women knew about me.  As far as I know, I don’t have overwhelming book sales in Russian.  In fact, I don’t think I have any sales there at all.  I also wondered why the Russian women didn’t get together. They’d be less lonely then.  They all share a common language, which I don’t speak.  They’re a lot closer to each other than they are to me.  Maybe they figured that out. It has been a while since I received a message with that subject line.

I remember one of the messages started with,"Lonely Russian women's gallery."  Naturally I assumed the women had taken up the arts.  I was curious if they were showing their paintings or perhaps their photography until another possibility came to mind.

Of course I get a lot of offers of money if I just reply to the e-mail.  Sometimes I am referred to as, “a fine Christian gentleman;” other time the message comes from someone who describes
himself/herself in that way.  The FBI has been kind enough to send me e-mails assuring me that the other e-mails offering money are legit.  I guess the FBI has nothing more important to do than to check the e-mail addressed to me.  If you know any of the people offering me money, please let them know I will not answer such e-mail.  They can just stop by the house and drop the money off.  I wonder what the tax consequences of receiving a few million are.

I get about as many messages offering loans as I get messages that I should buy the latest and greatest
new you fill in the blank.  Can’t the senders get together and decide if I need money or if I have so much that I can splurge?  Am I supposed to buy stuff until I run out of money and then get a loan?  Or should I get a loan first in order to buy the wonders I am offered?

On occasion I get messages warning me that embarrassing material about me has been posted on the web.  I don't ever reply because I am essentially a boring person.  If what I do is worth notice, there must be people with a whole lot of empty hours on their hands.  

The newest interesting e-mails are written in pink letters.  They suggest I contact the sender to
facilitate “discrete affairs with married women.” I have a sneaking suspicion the sender does not include my wife in that group of married women. As far as I know, Judy is not interested in a discrete affair.  I believe we’re already discrete enough.

What’s interesting in your in mail box?  


E. B. Davis said...

I'm always flummoxed by those emails wanting me to increase the size of my "member." Really? For a female, it doesn't translate, and for a male, I do you really think it matters? Would you really experiment on your family jewels?

I've also received those dire messages wanting me to send $5000 somewhere. They assure me I'll get it back double. Is anyone that stupid or are they?

Linda Rodriguez said...

Yes, EB. I, too, used to get tons of emails to increase penis size when I had an email address that just used my first two initials. Now that I have one with my full name not so much. I think the spammers think only men use initials.

But there are so many spammers, scammers, phishers, and hackers out there now trying to con us out of our money or outright steal it, and I wonder what they could create if they used even half that energy in some productive way.

Kara Cerise said...

I frequently receive emails letting me know that "beautiful singles are in my area waiting for me" and that I'm guaranteed credit cards with 0% interest.

One email began "Greetings beloved friend." As you probably guessed, the letter writer asked for money to support her terminally ill daughter. It makes me really mad when scammers lie about kids being sick.

KM Rockwood said...

What, no Nigerian princes who have inherited vast wealth and just need your bank account info to transfer the funds into the US and give you half?