Grammar Lessons by Warren Bull

Grammar Lessons by Warren Bull

Image by Michael Prewett

Is it "complete", "finished" or "Completely Finished”?

No English dictionary has been able to adequately explain the difference between these two words - "Complete" and "Finished”.  In a recent linguistic competition held in London and attended by, supposedly, the best in the world, Samdar Balgobin, a Guyanese man, was the clear winner with a standing ovation, which lasted over 5 minutes.

The final question was:  “How do you explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED in a way that is easy to understand?  Some people say there is no difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED.”

Here is his astute answer:  "When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE.  When you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED.  And, when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!"

He won a trip around the world and a case of 25-year old Scotch!

Note: This was reported by Roger Pabst in one of those email lists you can never find the original source for. Unfortunately, that was all I could find about it.

More Grammar observations:

There are three things that I love: the Oxford comma, irony, and missed opportunities.

This is important because I love my parents, Lady Gaga and Humpty Dumpty suggests the highly unusual parentage of the writer and I love my parents, Lady Gaga, and Humpty Dumpty does not.

What’s the difference between a cat and a comma? One has claws at the end of its paws and the other is a pause at the end of a clause.

A noun and a verb were dating but they broke up. The verb was too possessive.

In elementary school my sixth grade English teacher asked me to name two pronouns. 
I answered, “Who? Me?”

It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.

 A woman went into labor and began to say “Couldn’t! Wouldn’t! Shouldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”

She was having contractions. 

What word should you invite to a tea party?

A proper noun. 

What happened when the verb asked the noun to conjugate? The noun declined.

I just invented a brand new word – plagiarism.

I’m so old that when I was a child there were only 25 letters in the alphabet.

 Nobody knew why.

As writers, we understand that it takes two writers to screw a light bulb into a socket.

The first one screws it in almost all the way in. The second one gives it a surprising twist at the end.

It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.

A sign in a shopping center for a bathroom  that was never used:

This toilet reserved. Only available for

                        Disabled

                        Elderly

                        Pregnant

                        Children

On a door in a bar: This door is alarmed.

On sticky notes attached to the door: The window is startled

And the floor is somewhat taken aback!