Monday, April 16, 2018

Nervous Nellie by Debra H. Goldstein
Sometimes, the best news brings the greatest worries.

Remember when you received your first two-wheeler bicycle? Not only were you excited and thrilled, but I also bet there was a little fear in the back of your mind about whether you would fall off.
How about the first day of school? Did you worry if the teacher would like you and if anyone would eat lunch with you?
On your first date, did you wipe your hands on your jeans, sneak a breath mint, and spend part of the evening wondering if there would be a first kiss?
As an author, when you hit send on that first story or book, did you wish you could take it back and make it better? Did you sweat the weeks until you saw an e-mail from the agent, editor or publisher? Did you hold your breath as you opened it and either jumped for joy at an acceptance or wallowed in sorrow at a rejection? And then, did you rewrite and go through the process again?
I’ve learned that a writing career can easily make one a Nervous Nellie. Besides the fear associated with whether work will be accepted or rejected, liked or hated, I’ve discovered other aspects to make me quiver in my boots.
Writing requires promotion. Promotion necessitates interaction with other people. I’m a shy introvert. Can you imagine how much fun mingling is? At my first Malice Domestic, I promised to talk to one person during the open seating breakfast time in the lobby.  I forced myself to ask a person if the extra chair at her small table was open and to begin a conversation. The engineer I sat with, probably the only person breakfasting in the lobby who was not attending the conference, was delightful.
Recently, my landline rang. I almost didn’t answer because it was an out-of-state number, which I assumed was a cold call. I only picked up the receiver because one of our daughters was in that state and she’d been known to use office phones instead of her personal cell.  To this day, I can’t tell you who I talked to. Anything she was saying went out of my head when she told me she was calling to tell me my story, The Night They Burned Ms. Dixie’s Place, was an Agatha Award Short Story Nominee. My hands shook as I hung up the phone and dazedly walked into the den to tell my husband. The moment wasn’t real.
Later, I learned my Alfred Hitchcock published The Night They Burned Ms. Dixie’s Place, is in fine company with stories I admire by writers I adore (Gretchen Archer, Barb Goffman, Gigi Pandian, and Art Taylor). Being in their company was enough to make me panic, but even more thoughts crossed my mind. What to wear? How many extra black shirts should I pack because I’ll probably drop food on them? Will anyone notice? Will I trip during the opening ceremonies? Will I become tongue tied on our panel on Friday at 2? Will I come up with something to give away at the banquet? If I go to the bathroom, will there be a seat holder? Win or lose, how will I react?
That last question calmed me down because I already knew the answer to it. There may be a moment of glee or despair, but because I respect every writer in the category, the outcome is somewhat immaterial. Sure I’d like to win, but I’m going to enjoy every moment of this Malice with the same exhilarating feeling of the wind blowing against my face and through my hair the first time I sped off on my pink two-wheeler.
Writing doesn’t come easy, but the support of the community makes all the possible questions I could think of meaningless. Being in this together keeps the butterflies where they belong.
BTW, one factual disclaimer: the first time I tried riding my two-wheeler, I took a turn too fast and broke my arm. That day, I discovered how supportive the medical community can be.

28 comments:

  1. Oh, Debra, congratulations! What a great honor for a wonderful story. Well deserved. Fingers crossed.

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  2. I’m another shy introvert trying to overcome parental instructions that saying good stuff about you and your work is bragging, something not tolerated. And all these years in I still have a bit of a hollow feeling every time I press “send.” And every rejection and every bad review is still a cut to my confidence – but then I remember I write for the folks who like my style of writing and those who don’t weren’t ever going to be my readers and fans. And then I move on to the next project.

    Have a great time at Malice Domestic, Debra, win or lose.

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  3. Jim and Kait,
    Thank you. It amazes me how many of us are introverted but manage, probably because we care about issues and people, to make people think we are extroverts --- but it kills us to talk about ourselves.

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  4. Sorry I won't be at Malice to see your triumph, Debra, but congratulations on your short story nomination. You are always a winner in my eyes!

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  5. cj Sez: Shy and retiring is not how I'd describe you, for sure. Congratulations on the nomination, and I have no idea how to root for Guppy but I do! (Secretly, I hope it's you.)

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  6. Please know that so many of us are beaming with pride at your nomination. You have so graciously told about Bonnie Stevens' encouragement about this story, and by doing so, you're letting her come to Malice with all of us. Debra, this is a well-deserved honor. Congratulations!

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  7. Another introvert checking in. What a delightful post. I'm so looking forward to seeing you next week. It's going to be great!

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  8. Debra, I'm so excited for you! Congratulations on your terrific story! Looking forward to seeing you at Malice and cheering you on!

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  9. Debra, I so identify with what you're saying. Promoting and writing are two entirely different skills. Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone. Good luck and congratulations.

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  10. Have a fantastic time and meet lots of people. You never know who might end up being part of a story. Congratulations again.

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  11. I wonder how many of us shy introverts ended up writing? The act is solitary, but the promotion is too, TOO public. Congratulations, and I know that though you may be quaking you'll pull off a great Malice experience...just like the $800 in Reno!

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  12. Cannot believe you are an introvert! Our Guppy president is encouraging, organized and a great writer as well. It will be a very fun Malice with all kinds of writers rooting for one another.

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  13. Thank you everyone for your kind words. The dilemma of being an introvert but having to do things as an extrovert takes energy, but more importantly it can be done because of the support of others. My learning curve has jumped by leaps and bounds because of the generosity and example of other writers -- including everyone nominated in this category. Paula mentioned in another comment that it would be nice if we could all go home with teapots - and it would - but I think we all realize that our interaction and respect for each other has made us all winners in each other's eyes. Whether the concept is described as paying it forward or simply giving a hand up to each other, that's what the mystery community is all about.

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  14. Congrats, Debra, and good luck with the Agatha! Being nominated is a big honor.

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  15. Congratulations, Debra!
    I consider myself an ambivert, getting most of my energy from solo activities or a small group, but able to turn on a more outgoing personality when it's needed. As you say, though, that can be exhausting, and I've learned to appreciate the long flights home from Malice and other conventions as time to recover.
    Simply being in a group that values and celebrates the work we love to do is energizing of itself -- you'll do beautifully, and I'm looking forward to cheering you on!

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  16. Congratulations Debra, from one introvert to another!

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  17. Congratulations, Debra. When I wrote a blog about extroverts and introverts years ago, my sister and her husband in Tacoma Washington cracked up laughing when I wrote I was more of an introvert. Now I think I'm more like Leslie, and ambivert. I'll talk to just about anybody, a big difference from when I was much younger. Do I worry about things? Of course, I do but not all that much. I think it's when you get to a certain age like I am, she just shrug your shoulders and don't worry that much about what other people think.

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  18. Congratulations! I was an introvert until Handsome started the company and had to change. His tip is ask other people about themselves and they will talk.

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  19. Gloria, I hope I get to that point, some day. Vicki, that is excellent advice and takes the pressure off -- plus it makes the other person more comfortable. Leslie, so agree with the decompressing during the ride home. I usually buy books and end up dosing off on the first and second flights home. I like the term ambivert ---- KM, still dancing; Sharon - but doing it quietly so as not to bring attention to the fact that I have two left feet...

    Looking forward to seeing everyone who will be at Malice!

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  20. So interesting to read about this side of you. I’ve NEVER thought of you as a shy introvert! You always exhibit so much poise, confidence, and often humor in unfamiliar situations. Just the honor of the nomination of your story makes you a winner! BTW you used to be so much better at riding a bike!

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  21. Thank you..... As for the bicycle, I broke my arm with uneven training wheels when I was four. I didn't quite understand balance, speed, and narrow driveway turns. Learned my lesson that time....but of course, when I rode on the back of your bike (until your dad fixed mine), I was probably the best rider.

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  22. You never cease to amaze or surprise me, Debra. I love seeing your work get the recognition it deserves. But shy and retiring? Well, you mask it well, my friend. Congratulations on a well-deserved honor.

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  23. Thank you. As for the other... you've seen me in a lot of situations where I've had a microphone, been playing social director, or been sharing a cup of coffee one on one

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  24. Congratulations! Wishing you all the best from one introvert to another. I know exactly what you mean. Putting yourself out there is the hardest part!

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  25. Delightful post. Oh the people we'll meet and the places we'll go when we start out on a new adventure. Mystery writing is certainly drawing you out of your quiet self and into the world of promotion. And you are doing a good job at it. Congratulations on your nomination.

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