Are you a Lexophile? by Warren Bull

Image from nwcreation.net 

Are you a lexophile?, i.e., a lover of words, one who derives pleasure from various use of words, who appreciates the nuances surrounding different words, and who is alert to synonyms, antonyms, homophones, and homonyms, often using them for effect, sometimes in humor.

For example:
Lawyers’ briefs are anything but brief.

I know I shouldn’t have argued with the nurse but he kept needling me.

The pop singer was a flop as a movie star. He just didn’t project well.

Baseball is holy. After all, Genesis starts, “In the big inning.”

My uncle must be a magician, Mom said he took a car and turned it into a tree.

My teacher asked how many sides a circle has. I told her, “Two; inside and outside.” 

How big is the capitol of Ireland? I don’t know but it must be enormous. Every time anyone talks about it they say its Dublin.

“Jimmy! I missed you.” “I know, Sam. I ducked.”

Even Abraham Lincoln was a lexophile. He used to sit by a window in the White House reading newspapers or books. He would glance out the window from time to time. One evening he said to his confidential messenger, William Slade.

“William, who is that old colored man outside with an empty basket on his arm? I’ve noticed that for some days he comes regularly and leaves with the basket still empty. Go down and get him. Bring him up to see me.”

The old man hobbled into the presence of the President, but upon realizing he was seeing Lincoln, he was too full of emotion to speak.

Realizing this, Lincoln spoke first.

“Well, Uncle. I’ve seen you coming here for several days with your empty basket and a few minutes later you leave. What’s your story? What can I do for you?”

“Thank you, sir,” he said. “Mr. Lincoln I heard that you have the Constitution here and it has provisions in it. Well, as we have nothing to eat in my house, I just thought I’d come around and get mine.” 

Lincoln laughed and told Slade to take him to the kitchen to fill his basket.