I can count on fictional mysteries, especially cozies, to wrap up neatly, all loose ends tied, all questions answered. I’ve grown accustomed to resolution. Which makes The Case of the Missing Wine all the more frustrating.
The story begins at my son’s graduation party in May. It was a calm affair attended by a motley collection of family and friends (AKA the usual suspects). Pulled pork sandwiches and potato salad. Sodas for the youth. Adult beverages for the, well, adults. I chilled two bottles of white wine in the cooler with the beer on the back porch. During the party, we drank half of one bottle.
Fast-forward a couple of weeks. I open the refrigerator, where I’m sure I’ve stashed the unopened bottle only to find … cream and frappucino and ketchup and mustard and pickles, but no wine. Baffled, I check the bev fridge in the basement. Not there. Surely I didn’t leave it in the cooler on the porch? Nope, the cooler is empty.
Taking the next logical step, I quiz the teenager: Fess up, did you swipe my wine? His response: “A whole bottle? That would be stupid.” And he’s not stupid.
A day later, my husband and I took a lovely evening walk down our rural road. Birds sang in the trees. The sun sank low in the west. Fireflies winked in the shadows. And there, in the ditch more than half a mile from our home, we found my missing bottle of wine, empty and abandoned.
In a book, I guess this would be the midpoint of the story. Part one of the mystery is solved, but the answer only serves to deepen the intrigue. Who took my bottle of wine? Why did they leave the empty bottle in the ditch?
Using my keen detecting abilities, I’ve homed in on a couple of possible theories:
Theory 1: Someone from the party took the bottle when they left and tossed it after they drained the contents. This seems unlikely, given the character of our guests. But isn’t that what makes a good murder mystery work? The villain masks his true character and actions, misleads those around her until the surprise twist at the end, when the murderer is revealed.
Theory 2: I left the bottle on the back porch during party cleanup and someone—a friend, a neighbor, or a stranger—happened by and snatched it. We live a long ways from anyone, so this scenario is also unlikely. And unsettling. The thought that someone may have skulked around my house, evaded the dogs, and filched hot wine from my porch makes my skin crawl a bit. Just like a good thriller.
So now what? Do I interrogate every party guest until someone confesses? Do I check the locks on the doors an extra time before bed? Maybe I could set out another bottle of wine and the motion-activated camera we use to capture shots of wildlife in an attempt to catch the thief in the act.
Or do I let the mystery remain a mystery, a reminder that life is messy and, sometimes, not having all the answers is part of the fun.
the obvious solution is that someone at the party took the bottle of wine. A less obvious scenario is that someone in the weeks since the party took the bottle of wine out of your fridge.
ReplyDeleteOr, the empty bottle is roadside trash, unrelated to your party.
Fingerprints? Blood smears? DNA? Wine bottles make a dandy blunt weapon or in a pinch, substitute for a rolling pin for pie crust.
One of life's mysteries.
Some things in life will always stay a mystery. And sometimes it's best not to know the rest of the story. But as Margaret suggested, use it as fodder for a mystery novel.
ReplyDeleteI suspect the most honest and esteemed of your guests. The "least likely" person.
ReplyDeleteAlternative theory: Teenager, knowing parents would think it stupid to steal a whole bottle of wine (as opposed to stealing a glass from an opened on or watering the vodka), does just that with the ready excuse that such an act would be stupid.
ReplyDeleteNote that the wine had to be consumed between house and final resting point in ditch - unlikely by adult party goers since (1) they could have had more wine without stealing (the fact there was a partial bottle still opens means there weren't heavy wine drinkers) and (2) they had to chug it while driving -- not likely.
Have you considered using black powder to test for fingerprints and see if anyone starts acting nervous?
Have you considered a paranormal explanation?
ReplyDeleteWe used to live in a house in Albion, Michigan, where things disappeared all the time. Now, we are not careful people, but this was all out of proportion to our usual "lost items." And sometimes, when we expressed frustration out loud, esp. in terms of "I really need my car keys (or whatever) they would reappear someplace totally obvious, like in the middle of the kitchen table, where several of us looking could not possibly have missed them.
After we moved away, we discovered that the house is featured in a book called, "Haunted Houses of Michigan."
I do like KM's paranormal explanation!
ReplyDeletePerhaps the teenagers chugged the wine, refilled the bottle with water so you wouldn't notice, then resealed it. You put it in the fridge - you're pretty sure you put it back in the fridge, right?
Then when you announced that you were going to use it, startled teen realizes that the jig is up and you will discover that the wine has turned into water. A backwards miracle! And trouble for the teen.
Or maybe not...
Margaret and Grace - I am enjoying leaving it as one of life's mysteries!
ReplyDeleteWarren - I wonder whether the "least likely person" would be me? Maybe I set it all up and I'm just an unreliable narrator?
Jim - You could be on to something there. It's entirely possible he's smart enough to think through that line of reasoning. As for thief needing to chug the wine before ditching the bottle, there's another possibility there, too: Perhaps it was such bad wine he or she couldn't actually drink it after all?
ReplyDeleteKM - What a delicious alternate explanation! Our house is new and doesn't have a history, but perhaps the land we built on does?
ReplyDeleteHa! Shari - the backwards miracle! I love it!
ReplyDelete