Please contact E. B. Davis at for information on guest blogs and interviews. Please join us between Thanksgiving and New Year's when our authors present original holiday short stories. We hope they will add to the season's festivities! 11/28 Annette Dashofy, 12/3 E. B. Davis, 12/8 KM Rockwood, 12/13 Korina Moss, 12/18 Tammy Euliano, 12/23 Warren Bull, 12/28 Paula Gail Benson Have a wonderful holiday! -----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Friday, August 23, 2019

The 1-ders of Ing-lash by Warren Bull

The 1-ders of Ing-lash
Image by Samuel Zeller on Upsplash

English is such a rich language that opportunities for misuse are nearly unlimited. For example:

I should have been sad when the batteries in my flashlight died, but I was delighted.
Most people write “Congrats” because they cannot spell “Congrajulashions.”
If you are experiencing joint pain, you probably shouldn’t be holding the lit end.
I take people poor grammar for granite, pacifically how there always thinking “for intensive purposes “ is supposably rite.
Someone asked where I saw myself next year. How should I know? It’s not like I have 2020 vision.
I’m doing crunches twice a day now. Captain in the morning and chocolate in the afternoon.
What did one accountant say to another accountant? It’s accrual world.
What’s the difference between a well-dressed man on a bicycle and a poorly-dressed man on a unicycle? Attire
There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator. (Only a fraction of people will find that funny.)
Research shows that cows produce more milk when the farmer talks to them. It’s a matter of in one ear and out the udder.
I did some early Christmas shopping. I asked the clerk where the Arnold Schwarzenegger dolls were. He said, “Aisle B, Back.”
My friend went bald years ago, but he still carries a comb. He just can’ t part with it.
Tonight I’m gonna’ have possum soup made from Himalayan Possum. ‘Cause I found himalayan on the road.
The worst bed and breakfast place I ever stay at was called “The Fiddle.” It was truly a vile inn.
People who misuse words on Facebook should be band.
If pro is the opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress?
Atheism Incorporated is a non-prophet organization.
I found a great book about ant-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
eBay is so useless. I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 13,749 matches.
Don't spell part backwards. It's a trap.
I just found out I'm colorblind. The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.
Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.
I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.

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