Friday, August 23, 2019

The 1-ders of Ing-lash by Warren Bull

The 1-ders of Ing-lash
Image by Samuel Zeller on Upsplash

English is such a rich language that opportunities for misuse are nearly unlimited. For example:

I should have been sad when the batteries in my flashlight died, but I was delighted.
Most people write “Congrats” because they cannot spell “Congrajulashions.”
If you are experiencing joint pain, you probably shouldn’t be holding the lit end.
I take people poor grammar for granite, pacifically how there always thinking “for intensive purposes “ is supposably rite.
Someone asked where I saw myself next year. How should I know? It’s not like I have 2020 vision.
I’m doing crunches twice a day now. Captain in the morning and chocolate in the afternoon.
What did one accountant say to another accountant? It’s accrual world.
What’s the difference between a well-dressed man on a bicycle and a poorly-dressed man on a unicycle? Attire
There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator. (Only a fraction of people will find that funny.)
Research shows that cows produce more milk when the farmer talks to them. It’s a matter of in one ear and out the udder.
I did some early Christmas shopping. I asked the clerk where the Arnold Schwarzenegger dolls were. He said, “Aisle B, Back.”
My friend went bald years ago, but he still carries a comb. He just can’ t part with it.
Tonight I’m gonna’ have possum soup made from Himalayan Possum. ‘Cause I found himalayan on the road.
The worst bed and breakfast place I ever stay at was called “The Fiddle.” It was truly a vile inn.
People who misuse words on Facebook should be band.
If pro is the opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress?
Atheism Incorporated is a non-prophet organization.
I found a great book about ant-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
eBay is so useless. I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 13,749 matches.
Don't spell part backwards. It's a trap.
I just found out I'm colorblind. The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.
Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.
I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.

No comments:

Post a Comment