Today on Salad Bowl Saturday we welcome author Ellen Kennedy. I love the setting she chose to talk about "writing techniques."
~ Jim
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HERE IT IS! TODAY ONLY!
WRITER’S YARD SALE!
Slightly used author’s items available at bargain prices!
Welcome! Did you see my sign? Is it close enough to the
road? Good.
Well, yes, we do have a lot of stuff here. Let me show you
what I’ve got. You can get some great buys. Just take a look around.
For instance, over here, I have a large, slightly shop-worn
ego. No, I don’t have the original box, but it’s still in working order. It
took a lot of hits over the past year. I regret that I put it out where it was so
vulnerable to the elements. Even in this condition, it’ll give you quite a few
more good years. It’s yours, if the price is right.
That table over there? Those are the hats I’ve worn. This
publicist’s hat, for instance. I had to wear it a lot this year. It was pretty
expensive, let me tell you. I can give you a deal on it. Oh, that eyeshade?
That’s my editor’s hat. It’s gotten a lot of use. That pointy hat? No, it’s not
Harry Potter’s. It’s my thinking cap. I used that as much as my editor’s shade.
It kept slipping over my eyes so I couldn’t see the clock. I missed a lot of
deadlines that way. But it works. Boy, does it work!
Check out this coffee can here. Give me a reasonable price
and you can have everything that’s in it: almost a pound of miscellaneous
adverbs. They’re perfectly good, just superfluous. I cleaned them out of my
most recent story. Too many of those things and the work is done for, you know.
They’d work perfectly well for a story that needs them, though.
That box of grandiose adjectives? Those are free for the
taking. They’re extravagantly pretty, but a little too fancy for me. I tend to
be a little more plain when it comes to writing. Sure, it’s yours; just put the
carton in your trunk.
Well, I’d like to get something for those used similes.
They’re a little worn around the edges, but serviceable. So are those idioms.
Colorful, aren’t they? Pretty decorative when you use ‘em right.
Look at this box of paper over here. I’d say it’s about a
ream. Those sheets would be great for scrap paper. No, you don’t need to turn
that over…well, yes, it’s a rejection. They all are. Got a fireplace? You could
twist them and use them to get the logs burning. The twisting part is very
therapeutic, I’ve found. So is the burning part, come to think of it.
Could you use these empty liquor bottles? They’d make pretty
good candle holders. That’s about all they’re good for. I tried looking for
plots at the bottom of them, but no luck.
Oh, that’s the garbage can. It’s where I threw the double
negatives, dangling participles and wasted time. I couldn’t even give those to
charity in good conscience. You can’t use ‘em.
That? I’m giving
that away, too. No, it’s not a footstool or a door stop. It’s a giant economy
size writer’s block. So far, I haven’t had any takers. You want it? Make an
offer? No?
Well, anyway, it was good of you to stop by. I’ll be here
‘til long past midnight.
Tell your friends!
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EE Kennedy (aka EEK) is a former award-winning TV/radio copywriter and public speaker. Her mystery, Irregardless of Murder, was published in August by Sheaf House and the sequel, Death Dangles a Participle, will be released next September. Her Christian novella, The Applesauce War, will be featured in Barbour’s upcoming anthology, The Farmer’s Bride. She lives with her husband near Raleigh, NC.
Her website is www.missprenticecozymystery.com
And her weekly blog is “Behind the Mystery” at www.thewordsmithjournalmagazine.com
Absolutely delightful, Ellen. Whoops! Do I need to delete the adverb and adjective?? I used to love garage sales and flea markets, but I don't need anything more to clutter my life especially what you have to offer. I have enough of my own to get rid of.
ReplyDeleteWhat fun! Would you consider a joint yard sale? I have all the stuff you have plus trash can full of distractions.
ReplyDeleteEEK - I enjoyed your post when you first sent it to me and reading it over again a month or two later, I smiled and laughed again.
ReplyDeleteThanks for joining us as WWK.
~ Jim