Time was when people not only knew RSVP stood for Répondez
si'l vous plait, but they followed its precept.
When I grew up people routinely answered an invitation with
regrets or acceptance. To do anything less was very bad manners. No longer. A couple
of years ago, as part of a church function, we mailed invitations to an event
at our house. Of the people who showed up, only about 2/3rds had let us know
they would attend. Almost none of the no-shows bothered to respond.
I wish that was a one-off experience, but it is not.
As an author I’ve found new venues for finding the
incivility of rejection by silence.
Many literary agents are now “too busy” to send out a form
rejection email to a query email. “We’ll respond only if we are interested,”
they say. How much bother could it be to hit “Reply” and have an auto-rejection
message sent? It would take mere minutes to initially set up and a couple of
seconds to execute as soon as the reader hits the line in the query letter or
submission that convinces them it’s “not for me.”
This week I stumbled on a new area of incivility. I
submitted to a book festival at the suggestion of a fellow author. About
two-thirds down the page of the author submission guidelines was this bolded
sentence: Due to the high volume of
submissions, the (redacted) Festival
will respond only to submissions that have been selected and accepted as a part
of the presentation programming. I know they have lots of submissions and
are run mostly by volunteers, but they expect authors to complete an
application and pay to mail a hard copy (no electronic versions of books
accepted) of the ARC or published book—and for that a loser gets no thanks,
just silence.
With a book soon to come out, I’ve taken to contacting
independent bookstores and libraries with an offer to work with them to our
mutual benefit by my doing a book reading/presentation/signing. Those I talk
with in person are friendly and often helpful even if the answer is no. Many,
many of those I have to contact by email also seem to employ the reject-by-silence approach to
communication.
I realize with self-publishing, a growing list of small
publishers and a decline in the number of independent retailers, that
bookstores and festivals get more offers than they can accept. But if an author
took the time to write and jump through the hoops presented to them, why not
spend a few seconds to respond with a “Sorry, no can do?”
I know I’m beating my head against a wall on what I consider
a rapid increase in incivility. It probably labels me as an old fogy. All I can
do is lead by example. I do RSVP even when I am going to decline the
invitation.
What say you WWK readers, do I have a point or am I just
pining for the good old days?
~ Jim
I'm in your boat, Jim. I am frustrated with people who do not employ the simple courtesy of RSVP - and worse, yet, when I haven't used RSVP but have specifically said please let me know whether or not you plan to come... or words to that effect. I even find this true with volunteers. You'd think they'd at least reply when you're trying to determine whether or not they can arrive on a particular day or time that you have asked them to cover. It's an uncivil world and I think due, in part, to the fact that many are not taught simple courtesy as youths that will follow them into adulthood.
ReplyDeleteAlthough I haven't had any event calling for a RSVP in so many years that I can't remember the last time, I still think it's incredibly rude not to respond and let those having the event know if you are coming or not. So much depends on an actual count of how many are coming.
ReplyDeleteI read "Annie's Mailbox" daily in the newspaper and not only is this a common complaint, but the recipients of gifts not having the courtesy to send a thank you card for weddings, showers or gifts for other occasions. Even though my kids thanked their grandparents, aunts and uncles in person, I always saw that they wrote a thank you, also, and sent it. My parents saved these, and when they died, I got those thank you letters back that they had saved.
Actually, we're lucky here in the writing world, one of the few remaining pockets of gentility, IMO. Elsewhere, I see a lot of loud, blatant incivility happening. Name-calling, ganging up on people, bullying, etc. It's not just the US Congress anymore. ;) Sometimes, I often wish more people used silence as rejection.
ReplyDeleteI've given two parties in the last few years, sending out invitations with RSVP. Friends complied--family didn't. And it wasn't because they assumed--they didn't come. Just goes to show that blood doesn't mean a thing. I'd take friends any day.
ReplyDeleteBlogger published my comment automatically--what I wanted to add--the DC area, where I live, placed 3rd as the rudest community in the country. Considering all the detente that supposedly takes place here, it's a wonder we haven't...oh yeah, we have had continuous wars, haven't we? Oh well, at least that explains it.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you, Jim, and I'd like to add that I think it's important for writers to be civil and sensitive to each other. A writers' group I belong to sent out an appeal for newsletter articles, so I submitted one. The newsletter editor didn't use the article and also never sent me any sort of reply. If she didn't think the article fit the newsletter's needs, that's fine, but I would have appreciated an e-mail saying no thanks. I also responded to a request for prizes for a writers' group contest, snail-mailing a prize worth about $25 to the contest coordinator. Again, I got no response and had to e-mail the coordinator to ask if she'd received the prize (she had). We all know how frustrating it is to get no responses from agents and editors. Can't we at least be a little more considerate to each other?
ReplyDeleteIn working with wedding couples, I am amazed at how many people don't RSVP reseption invitations, even to sit down dinners. The poor couple has no idea how many to expect.
ReplyDeleteThe problem with this in the book world is you never know when you can send the stuff elsewhere.
I quite agree that agents certainly could push a button to say "No thanks." When I was submitting to agents, I didn't send anything to those who said they only answered if interested. Of course, about half the others didn't answer either." A year or so ago I read a great "letter" that a writer did (for funny, of course) about refusing to submit to such agents.
ReplyDeleteThanks to those who support my position. Maybe we can gang together and start a counter-cultural revolution!
ReplyDelete~ Jim
Jim, I'm afraid that it wouldn't do any good. It's not just RSVPs, although the agony columns are full of such complaints when the wedding season rolls around. Look around you. Incivility is everywhere.
ReplyDeleteI think that the only thing we can do is perform a random act of civility as the ship goes down.