You Know You’re a Mystery Writer When…

Nobody wants to watch a crime drama with you because you know whodunit in the first ten minutes and feel compelled to share.

You carry a video camera wherever you go in case you see a dastardly deed being committed. You want to record it in order to write an authentic scene.

You call the police because there is a vehicle parked in front of your house overnight with what looks like a bullet hole in the door and you’re concerned there might be a body in the trunk. (Note to self: Make cookies to apologize to neighbor’s visitor who now has to pay for a parking ticket.)

You think the cute house with the red picket fence is really a safe house. You walk by it so often trying to “sniff out” a mystery that the homeowner waits for you and says a cheery hello each time.

You pick up the phone to call the police because you believe men with a ladder are about to break into your neighbor’s house. It turns out they are contractors installing a new roof. You are now referred to as the neighborhood watch captain…but there isn’t a neighborhood watch in your area.

You open mail delivered to your house with someone else’s name on it because something just doesn’t feel right. According to a friend with a security clearance, opening mail addressed to another person might be a federal offense—so, don’t do this.

You see a long line of Secret Service black SUVs drive through your neighborhood and must follow them to find out where they are going. Several huge and serious looking men inside the SUVs yell and wave their arms for you to stay back—don’t do this either.

You are almost arrested by a sheriff in a case of mistaken identity and are actually disappointed not to be arrested because you wanted first-hand knowledge of being processed for your work in progress.

You spot a small woman being followed by several suspicious looking people. You run across the street to save her from being mugged only to find out that she is a well-known figure being protected by body guards. (Note to self: Schedule an eye exam and consider Lasik surgery for nearsighted vision.)

Your friends throw a surprise birthday party for you eight months in advance of your birthday…in a different state from where you live and under the guise of another friend’s birthday because they know you are always suspicious.

Has your focus on mysteries led you astray or annoyed people?