Criminals often don’t think through their crimes or the
consequences. Sometimes their lack of sense and foresight is impressive.
High on the list is the fellow whose armed mugging attempt
went poorly. When he realized his
victim was not going to cooperate, he tried
to shoot him. However, the gun did not fire. Puzzled, the mugger looked down
the barrel and pulled the trigger again. This time, it worked fine.
A pair of aspiring robbers ran into a store, waving their
guns around. One of them shouted, “Nobody move or I’ll shoot!” When his partner
stepped toward the cash register, the first robber shot him.
In England, a rattled bank robber handed the teller his gun
instead of the bag he brought to hold the cash. Startled when the teller
pointed his own gun at him, he ran out of the bank, swiped a bicycle, and rode
off.
We have all heard of the unthinking bank robbers who write
their stick-up notes on envelopes with their own addresses or messages from
their parole agents. When one potential criminal decided to rob a Bank of
America, he used one of their deposit slips for his note. The line was long,
and he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and would alert
the teller. So he went across the street to Wells Fargo, where the lines were
much shorter. However, when he presented his note, the teller there told him
she couldn’t honor it because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip,
and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo slip or go back to Bank
of America. Frustrated, he went back to Bank of America and was in line
awaiting his turn when the police showed up.
Another quick-thinking teller insisted that she could not
hand out money to anyone who did not show her an ID, and if he wanted her to
fill his bag, she needed to see it. He complied, pulling out his driver
license. She filled his bag and he left, but of course she had memorized his
name and address.
Someone robbing a liquor store had a similar experience. The
clerk took a bag and filled it with the content of the cash register, but when
the robber asked for a bottle of Scotch to be added, he balked. He said the
robber didn’t appear to be 21, so he needed to see an ID. He could lose his job
if he gave alcohol to anyone underage. The robber pulled out his driver license.
The clerk agreed that it showed he was over 21, so he put the Scotch in the
bag. Of course he, too, had memorized the robber’s name and address.
A British client went
into a bank to change the address on his account. While there, he saw the money
in the drawers and formed the brilliant idea of robbing them. He came back a
half hour later, disguising himself by wearing sunglasses and putting socks
over his shoes. The disguise didn’t fool anyone, and the staff recognized him
as being the person who had just given them his new address.
Another enterprising male robber tried to pose as a woman to
rob a bank. He put on a blond wig and fake breasts, but he failed to shave his
dark mustache. Once again, the staff was not fooled by the disguise.
Not wanting to spend too much time in the bank, one would-be
robber called ahead and asked for
$100,000 to be placed in a bag and ready for
him when he showed up. The money was ready, but the police were, too.
Locked safes have been known to confound thieves. A thief
with no principles broke into a church and stole its safe. But safes are heavy.
He dropped it in the side yard of a nearby house and set about breaking into
it. The owner of the house, a police officer, saw what was going on and
intervened.
A Chicago robber demanded the employees of an auto repair
shop open the safe and give him the contents. The employees convinced him that only the manager, who was not in yet, could open the safe. The robber gave them a phone number to call when the manager got it. They did, and when he showed up, the police were waiting for him.
Have you heard of an incident when a would-be criminal didn't think through the consequences of his attempted crime?
So funny! The one about the safe being heavy brought to mind one of my favorite scenes from the movie The Jersey Boys. Crime may or may not pay, but it can be humorous! Ya gotta wonder. Fun post, KM.
ReplyDeleteOh, KM, thank you for today's laugh!
ReplyDeleteLOL! I love stories like this! Criminals aren't always the sharpest tools in the shed. Thanks for the laugh!
ReplyDeleteWhat fun
ReplyDeleteI know some people got shot during these fiascoes, but I have to laugh. Thanks for the lift!! A local thief tried to either hide or escape in a heating vent pretty recently, but got stuck. Oops!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the laugh, which I needed badly.
ReplyDeleteIf these crooks had been more intelligent, they might have been able to make an honest living. Lots of laughs.
ReplyDeletehilarious, Kathleen!
ReplyDeleteI loved this so much when I edited it. It's not the first time I've read of other stupid criminals before in my local newspaper. It's always good to have something to laugh about.
ReplyDeleteThanks, everybody.
ReplyDeleteI had a great time researching this!
I've known some criminals who have done pretty dumb things (like buying drugs from a undercover cop in the bus station on their way home from prison with their gate money, meaning they make it from state prison to county lockup in a few hours.