by Warren Bull
We are getting ready to move from Kansas City, Missouri to Portland, Oregon. We just put our house on the market. A photographer is coming this morning to take pictures for the listing.
We have been busy hiding all signs of human habitation. Family photos are permitted but unwashed dishes, open books, or anything related to eating, excreting, and laundry should be out of sight.
I suppose the idea is to allow potential buyers to fantasize about how they would fit in the space without reminding them of the fact that messy people already live here. Viewers may have a different work process than my — leave everything I will need on the floor close to the computer so I can grab it as needed — system.
To me it looks like someone has put my belongings into a house that resembles the one I used to live in, but clearly it is not mine. It is too manicured and orderly. We have been notified that when someone wants to view the house we are obligated to skedaddle. When I want something, I have to remember if it is something to be hidden or something allowed to be visible. If it is hidden, I have to remember which hiding spot it is in so I can retrieve it. I am trying to develop the habit of returning what I exhumed to its hiding place so cleaning and fleeing are easier.
Preparing the presentation was tiring. Although we have been throwing things away and donating whatever someone else might like for the last couple of years, we had/still have entirely too much stuff. Could I interest you in a slightly shabby couch?