By the time you read this I will be in New Zealand, but I will try to keep up on what's going on back home.
News From the Midwest
After getting reports of an alligator moving through the forest, police officers, urged on by the Missouri Department of Conservation, took two shots at a large reptile by a stream bank. A man living nearby approached the officers and told them the creature was a concrete lawn ornament. A police spokeman told reporters the man had used it to keep trespassers away. They suggest he get a “No Trespassing” sign.
The police chief expressed support of his “brave boys in blue” and said he hoped to send them out to deal with pink plastic flamingos that constituted a public threat as “eyesores.”
Prairie Village, Kansas
A psychotherapist with more than 25 years in practice was sentenced to 32 months in prison for selling marijuana to one of his clients. A search of his home revealed additional illicit drugs. He surrendered his license, apparently having surrendered his common sense at some time in the past.
A man exiting a supermarket discovered that high winds had sent a shopping cart into his parked car, denting the vehicle. After failing to break a window by throwing the offending cart at it, the man drove his car through the front double doors, ending up in the frozen food section of the store. He drove out of the store and rapidly departed the scene.
Kansas City, Missouri
The International House of Pancakes filed suit against the International House of Prayer for trademark infringement. Apparently this was to assist those who confuse communion wafers with blueberry waffles.
A teenaged girl took matters into her own hands when a substitute school bus driver smelling of alcohol sped along his route with a bus full of students. She used her cell phone to call police and let them know the location of the errant bus. She stayed on the phone until the driver was pulled over and arrested.
A woman in the Chicago area drove her Neon twenty miles for an oil change. When mechanics popped the hood they found a black and white cat perched on the radiator hose. The woman is not the cat’s owner and is now looking for a home for the feline now named “Neon.” The dealer’s service department did not charge the woman any extra explaining, “Cat removals are free on Thursdays.”