Selfishness

I read an interview in Esquire Magazine years ago with Kris Kristofferson. He said, to paraphrase, that when building a career or learning your profession or art, sometimes you have to be selfish. At the time, I was in my twenties. I remember agreeing with his statement, still do. But…life changes.

Everyone expects the self-indulgence of twenty-something-year-olds. No one expects someone in their fifties to act self-indulgently. In fact, images of the supportive mother or grandma come to mind. So, here I am building a new career in my fifties and being self-indulgent. How becoming is that?

Not very becoming if we follow the “norm.” But what is the norm? Is normal, normal anymore?

Our economy has destroyed our images of what we call a normal life path. In our fifties we should be: looking forward to retirement in a few years, getting satisfaction from careers that we’ve advanced in and have dedicated thirty years of our life to, devoting ourselves to giving-back to charities and those who have supported us, and, for those of us with children, enjoying the forthcoming generations. In 2008, when the stock market dropped to half its value, retirement plans for many became unrealistic, a fantasy. Some of the first people let go were those of middle management because they were high paid and had the most benefits. Many people who have become unemployed have had to build new skills for new careers. Job searching alone is a time sucking chore although rarely selfish.

Self-fulfillment and actualization became catch-phrases years ago. Not everyone building a new career is unemployed. Those who have become disillusioned by their first careers start new careers using hobbies and interests as a basis. People in their fifties are part of the so-called “Me” generation. You can call us self-indulgent, but you can’t call us lazy. Building a new career is hard work. And by the way—what’s wrong with doing something you like?

When my husband becomes dissatisfied with his business and my children are experiencing the turbulence of changing from students to professionals, do I have the right to be selfish? Are all my above paragraphs self-justification for selfishness? I wish I had a definitive answer. My problem is I can’t stop writing.