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November Interview Schedule: 11/7 Lane Stone, 11/14 Maggie Toussaint, 11/21, Joana Garcia (Rescheduled for 1/23/19)


Saturday Guest Bloggers: 11/3 Barbara Ross
WWK Satuday Bloggers: 11/10 Margaret S. Hamilton, 11/17 Kait Carson

Starting on Thanksgiving Day, 11/22, WWK presents original holiday offerings until New Year's Day. 11/22 Warren Bull, 11/29 Annette Dashofy, 12/6 KM Rockwood, 12/13 E. B. Davis, 12/20 Paula Gail Benson, & 12/27 Linda Rodriguez. We will resume our regular blogging schedule on 1/2/19. Please join us!


Congratulations to our writers for the following publications:


Grace Topping signed a three-book contract with Henery Press for her Laura Bishop Home Staging series. Congratulations, Grace!

KM Rockwood's new short story, "Map to Oblivion," has been included the anthology Shhhh...Murder! edited by Andrew MacRae and published by Darkhouse Books. It was released on Sept. 12.

Warren Bull also has a story in Shhh...Murder! Look for "Elsinore Noir," Warren's short story, in this anthology.

Annette Dashofy's Uneasy Prey was released in March. It is the sixth Zoe Chambers Mystery. The seventh, Cry Wolf, will be released on September 18th. Look for E. B. Davis's interview with Annette on September 19th.

Shari Randall's third Lobster Shack Mystery, Drawn and Buttered, will be available February 26, 2019.

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Tuesday, March 13, 2018

A group of vowels walk into a bar...

I heard some grammar-based bar jokes recently, and thought I’d try my hand at a few.

A group of vowels walk into a bar. A tells E, “I owe you, but don’t know why.”
An oxymoron walks into a bar. Arguing the issues of the day and drinking heavily, he has a sobering experience.
A hyperbole storms into a totally dead bar, absolutely obliterating its tranquility.
A non-sequitur walks into a bar. “Dutch courage” was a boon to soldiers in the Thirty Years’ War.
A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, planning to burn the midnight oil at both ends.
A comma splice walks into a bar, he has a few drinks, he starts a fight.
A sentence fragment. Walks into a bar. With lots on his mind to forget.
A run-on sentence walks into a bar he’s carrying the steering wheel from his car which he just wrecked he needs a drink or two badly.
A subjunctive would have walked into a bar if only she had realized her options.
A misplaced modifier walks into a bar with a man he has known for years wearing a cowboy hat named Jesse.
A dyslectic walks into a bra.
An Oxford comma walks into a bar and spends the evening drinking, smoking, meeting with clients, arranging for packing of illegal substances for storage and delivery.
A simile walks into a bar quiet as a mouse.
A synonym enters a taproom.
A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to celebrate.
A pronoun walks into a bar and sees an attractive verb. He suggests they conjugate.
The present walks into a bar and sees the past with the future. The situation is tense.
A dangling participle walks into a bar. He takes a hostage. The SWAT team negotiates with him for an hour before being shot dead by a marksman.
A pair of quotation marks walk into a bar for “happy hour.”
A double negative walked into a bar and didn’t not have a drink.
A bar is entered by a passive.
Tom Swifty walks into a bar. “Give me a double,” he says thirstily.

Here’s one that I can’t take credit for and doesn’t involve a bar, but I can’t resist including:
A team led by Dr. Craig Smith of the University of Hawaii found the crabs using a remotely operated submersible. 
Clever crabs indeed.


16 comments:

Jim Jackson said...

Thanks for the early morning laugh, KM.

Holly Grant said...

Hi KM. Great jokes and signs.

Grace Topping said...

Love these, Kathleen. Fun starting the morning with a good laugh. I always appreciate humor related to grammar, and these made me think. You are clever coming up with them.

Kait said...

Laughing out loud. Wonderful, Kathleen, and very creative!

Barbara House said...

KM, actually I like yours the best. All very good and are sort of teaching jokes! Well done.

Margaret Turkevich said...

Hilarious, Kathleen! I needed a jump start on this snowy morning.

Deborah Romano said...

Laugh out loud funny! I'm forwarding today's blog post to an English teacher!

DebRo

Shari Randall said...

Those clever crabs! I loved these - thanks, KM!

Ann Bennett said...

Very funny and good. Thanks for the laughs.

Warren Bull said...

Fun!

Gloria Alden said...

What a nice way to start the day. Loved them, Kathleen.

Kaye George said...

Love these! I just had some terrific laughs. Thanks, Kathleen.

KM Rockwood said...

I'm pleased that people are enjoying this. I had fun thinking them up.

Kaye George said...

You made these up? Now I'm impressed!

Anonymous said...

I wish I'd had these when I was teaching high school English. Some wouldn't have understood many of them, but the one about the dyslectic would have shut down class for the rest of the hour.

Anonymous said...

My previous comment appears to have a little problem with the pronoun-antecedent thing. Please forgive. Since retiring, my skills have slipped. Uh-oh. There I go again.