A group of vowels walk into a bar...

I heard some grammar-based bar jokes recently, and thought I’d try my hand at a few.

A group of vowels walk into a bar. A tells E, “I owe you, but don’t know why.”

An oxymoron walks into a bar. Arguing the issues of the day and drinking heavily, he has a sobering experience.

A hyperbole storms into a totally dead bar, absolutely obliterating its tranquility.

A non-sequitur walks into a bar. “Dutch courage” was a boon to soldiers in the Thirty Years’ War.

A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, planning to burn the midnight oil at both ends.

A comma splice walks into a bar, he has a few drinks, he starts a fight.

A sentence fragment. Walks into a bar. With lots on his mind to forget.

A run-on sentence walks into a bar he’s carrying the steering wheel from his car which he just wrecked he needs a drink or two badly.

A subjunctive would have walked into a bar if only she had realized her options.

A misplaced modifier walks into a bar with a man he has known for years wearing a cowboy hat named Jesse.

A dyslectic walks into a bra.

An Oxford comma walks into a bar and spends the evening drinking, smoking, meeting with clients, arranging for packing of illegal substances for storage and delivery.

A simile walks into a bar quiet as a mouse.

A synonym enters a taproom.

A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to celebrate.

A pronoun walks into a bar and sees an attractive verb. He suggests they conjugate.

The present walks into a bar and sees the past with the future. The situation is tense.

A dangling participle walks into a bar. He takes a hostage. The SWAT team negotiates with him for an hour before being shot dead by a marksman.

A pair of quotation marks walk into a bar for “happy hour.”

A double negative walked into a bar and didn’t not have a drink.

A bar is entered by a passive.

Tom Swifty walks into a bar. “Give me a double,” he says thirstily.

Here’s one that I can’t take credit for and doesn’t involve a bar, but I can’t resist including:

A team led by Dr. Craig Smith of the University of Hawaii found the crabs using a remotely operated submersible. 

Clever crabs indeed.