Social Is As Social Does

For my daughter's generation, the words "social" and "media" have always been linked. For me, a forty-something woman looking fifty-something right in the eyes, learning to work the virtual network revolution has been like riding a particularly quixotic tornado.

I'm grateful for it, though. It helps me keep up with the daily lives of far-flung family and friends. It allows me to connect with readers both right next door and across the continent. It exposes me to perspectives and stories that I otherwise would have missed and gives me a broader, much more nuanced view of the world.

But woo-boy, can it get rough out there sometimes. I have connections across the political and socioeconomic spectrum, from ultra-conservative Tea Partiers to way-liberal Green Partiers, and when they meet in conversation on my Facebook page, sparks can fly.

In order to keep the discussion productive, I subscribe to the "front porch" philosophy of social discourse. It goes something like this. My home page is like the front porch of my brick and mortar home. It's my property, for sure – any guests are here with my permission – but it's only quasi-private. People wandering by on the street could hear our conversations, and if they know me or one of my guests, might decide to come across the lawn and join in. Which they are welcome to do, but the porch is my property, and as such, I reserve the right to decide the topics of conversation and the tone of the conversation. If people don't like my choices…well, they have their own porches.

It's a way of looking at social media interactions that works for me and that I carry with me whenever I visit other people's virtual porches. Here are some other best practices I've gleaned from my travels across the World Wide Web.

1. Feel free to disagree, but be careful how you do it. If you wouldn't say something to a person's face, don't say it on their page.

2. On your own page, you get the last word. On other people's pages, they get the last word (thanks to friend and smart guy Chris Booker for this one).

3. Agreement is easy – dissent is hard. Feel free to agree with anyone just about anywhere. Be more careful how you disagree. As a rule, if you are engaged in a discussion on someone else's page, don't argue with anyone outside of your friend/follower network – let the owner of said page deal with their overly aggressive relatives and clueless co-workers.

4. If someone steps out of line, you can ask them to cease and desist. If the violations continue, delete the offensive comments and if necessary, the offending commenter. But the latter is a step of last resort.

5. If you accidentally violate someone's porch rules, apologize and stop. Just stop. Maybe you didn't mean to be insulting. Maybe you were trying to be humorous. No matter. No justifying. Just stop.

6. Use your own words whenever possible. Emoticons can be helpful to establish tone, but they can't carry meaning very well. Also, to paraphrase Inigo Montoya, that little squiggle may not mean what you think it means. Use caution.

So far, these guidelines have proven helpful as I've navigated my way around the internet landscape. Share your own tips for navigating social media in the comments. Perhaps I'll see you visiting on someone's virtual front porch, and we can share some virtual lemonade and chat a spell. Politely and with great mutual respect, of course.