Well, you see Your Honor…
I got a summons for jury duty in the mail. I’ve served on juries before. I was the
foreperson once. I
didn’t think I
needed the experience again for my writing. Sadly, Henry Fonda was not in the
jury pool
and the experience was nothing like the classic movie Twelve Angry Men. I’ve been called as a
potential jury member several times. Once I was on a group where two people had
police as members
of their family and one person was “a few fries short of a
happy meal,” i.e. a bit loosely wired. As
soon as one of the attorneys found out I was
a psychologist, I was awarded with the first preemptory
challenge, i.e. I was
politely asked to leave the room and not come back.
Now, as a retired psychologist and an active mystery writer,
I’m wondering what I might say to the
judge to encourage him or her to send me
back to my computer screen. I’ve thought about —
"Oh, good. I’m working on a novel about a corrupt judge who
gets, stalked, kidnapped, tortured and
eventually starves to death. Can I take
notes?”
“What’s the going rate for jury bribes?”
“Don’t worry. No guilty $#@^# is gonna’ get by me.”
“I know the man always goes after the little guy. Cops
always lie.”
“Great! I need to catch up on my sleep anyway.”
I could show up in my p.j.s.
Of could say to another juror, “Hey, want to go hoist a few
after trial? This shouldn’t take long.”
Of course I’m open to suggestions. What would you say?
A lawyer I know asked a group if they were on trial for a crime they did not commit would they want unbiased individuals on their jury.
ReplyDeleteMost said yes.
The lawyer said he wanted folks biased in his client's favor!
~ Jim
Ah, lawyers. You gotta' love them. Wait. No you don't.
ReplyDeleteI was an alternate on a jury 50 years ago. I can't remember the case now, but it was nothing like murder. Then several years ago I was called up as part of at least 100 others to serve on some kind of jury where one person or business was suing the other. They divided us in groups A, B, and C. I went in several times when B was up, but all the cases were settled out of court so I never had to serve.
ReplyDeleteWarren, I can't come up with anything better than what you suggested. I think I'll save those just in case I'm called for a murder trial. :-)
So far, I've always been excused as soon as the fact that I have experience in correctional settings come up.
ReplyDeleteMy poor mother once served on a federal jury in a smuggling case involving the port of NY authority. She was in her 70's. Fortunately, one of my brothers lived in Manhattan at the time, so she could stay with him during the week. The blasted trial took over three weeks, and it took her well over an hour on the Long Island Railroad in rush hour to get to the courthouse. Finally they reached jury deliberations, and in the afternoon of the third day, they were interrupted to say that the defendants had accepted a plea bargain. I have never seen my mother quite so furious in her life.
One of my friends was in a jury pool and the question came up whether anyone had ever been involved in a vehicular homocide while driving under the influence case. He stood up. They asked, "Were you found guilty?" He said no, he was an attorney (over the state line) and much of his practice involved defending DUI cases. He was dismissed.
When I was a very young woman living in Boston, I was called to serve on a jury panel. The defendant was a very good looking young guy and it didn't take me long to figure out that the defense was trying very hard to get young women on the jury! They moved 18 of us on - and I was number 22. And good thing for the defendant, because I thought he looked guilty.
ReplyDeleteOh, Warren, where do I begin.
ReplyDelete1) Don’t tell them you belong to Sisters in Crime. Didn’t work for my critique partner. Judge just asked her to explain what it was and then kept her on a criminal trial
2) I got off when I said I knew of one of the lawyers because my son was hit by a car in front of his office. Dismissed by the judge. Did I forget to mention it was a personal injury case? LOL
3) I got out of a breach of contact case because my boss at the time was involved in a huge, multi breach of contact suit and I was making all the copies for the court. Dismissed by judge.
4) Hubby got off a vehicular manslaughter case because our kids worked at the health spa on the street where the accident took place.
5) I got on a federal jury when there was only one attorney challenge left. The defending lawyer didn’t want me on the jury because I was the only jury member who knew what hydrogeology was. I thought for sure he’d dismiss me but he dismissed a young girl down the end. The jury foreman told me later, he was paying close attention and the attorney really didn’t want me but the young girl was falling asleep so he chose her. It ended up they settle after one day in court. Jury foreman said the attorneys for the defense really were worried about how I could influence everyone. The case was a company who’d lost already for pollution of the land and this case involved damages for pollution the water table. The really funny question of each juror was, “Do you have a septic system or city sewers where you lived?” Do you know how many people live in the city of Newark NJ who didn’t know which they had? All of them. Amazed me when said they didn’t know.
6) My Mom got off a case where a person had hit a kid on a bicycle. Mom said she had 5 grandchildren and didn’t think she could be impartial. Judge let her go.
7) One time I met a girl who dressed as a hippy to get off. She said her Mom came previously as a bag lady.
You might say something like, "I will need to conduct my own investigation into this crime if you want me to serve as a juror."
ReplyDeleteOr, "That guy reeks of guilt. Don't waste taxpayer money on a trial, send him to the slammer."
I've never been on a jury. The only time I was summoned, they had a call-in number to see if you were "on"...I was never on. I figure if I get there, I'll be exempted anyway because I write for the local paper. Oh well.
ReplyDeleteI was on a jury in a criminal case when I was younger, but I haven't made it onto a jury in years. Usually they boot me when they find out I was an administrator at the local law school in the 1980s, if they don't do it because I ran the women's center for decades after that. (You can imagine how that goes over with lawyers defending those accused of rape or sexual discrimination.)Tell them you were a consulting psychologist and expert witness, Warren.
ReplyDelete