NASA Hubble Telescope Image
Mysteries of the known universe
that need unraveling:
Dear unknown e-mailer,
Do you really think I’m going to
believe you are offering me millions of Euros, Yen or Dollars when your message
to me contains errors in spelling and grammar? You command fortunes and can’t
afford a secretary with skills in basic English? Am I supposed to believe the supposed
FBI messages that speak for your validity? I suspect the FBI has more important things to do than check
out e-mail scams.
What is going to happen in China
when the boys get older and figure out that many girls their age have been
adopted by families in other countries and there will not be nearly as many
women as there are men? Do you know the meaning of “polyandry?”
Is there any need at all for yet another
“innovation” in how to open a beer can or in how a can is made?
Why is every movie advertised like
it is the “new” Gone With the Wind or
Citizen Kane? What would be wrong
with describing a movie as light, fun and worth two hours of your time? Don’t you think advertising a film as
entertainment that will not offend grandmothers or upset small children would
attract a substantial audience, even though it might not be a blockbuster?
While I’m on the topic of movies,
why do well-written, intelligent movie scripts drop twenty-five intelligence
points in the final quarter of the film?
Why does a psychic keep sending me
new readings? Doesn’t she, as a psychic, know that I deleted all previous
reading without opening any? Doesn’t she know this one is going to the
electronic trash heap unopened as well? Just how psychic is she?
Centrum Silver advertises that it
was used in a study on the benefits of taking vitamins on health. OK. So would you please mention the
outcome of study?
“Volvo not only competed with Mercedes and Audi, but beat
its competitors in
every subjective
category.” (emphasis added) What
were the results of the objective measurements?
Do you have answers? What mysteries
have you uncovered?
I think the lesson for mystery writers is to study advertising copy for deception. Mastering deception will improve a writer's skills. PR writers should care more about credibility, whereas mystery writers are paid to deceive--not cheat--there is a difference. The beauty is in the half-truth your characters reveal, a word that is the truth, but until italicized, readers fail to pick up on the truth of its meaning.
ReplyDeleteAs far as those letters asking for money--I think some parts of the world view Americans as gullible and rich.
It evidently has occurred to the Chinese rich that living in Australia or the U.S. would give them better lives. Immigration has increased from the wealthy Chinese. I'm a bit surprised their government doesn't object. They are bringing their money with them--nice for a change.
I've had the same thoughts about boys in China. Gonna be interesting, I think!
ReplyDeleteAdvertising does force us to become cynical!
ReplyDeleteThose poor little boys in China. Warren, you always make me think and crack me up at the same time.
ReplyDeleteOne of Sayer's funniest books is "Murder Must Advertise" in which Lord Peter Wimsey goes undercover in an advertising agency to solve a crime.
ReplyDeleteAs for the boys in China, I've thought about that often. All the babies put up for adoption in China to go to the U.S. and other countries were girls. As for the rich Chinese coming to this country, it's created a big problem in the San Francisco area. They are coming in and buying up houses paying cash over and beyond the asking price which hurts the people, who need to get a bank loan to buy a home.
The latest ingenious email I received was from a Sgt. Hilger in Afghanistan (formerly in Iraq) asking my help to move the equivalent of 25 million US dollars to a safe country. Apparently, the money was hidden with a cache of weapons at one of Saddam Hussein's palaces. It's a mystery why the author of the letter isn't a thriller writer.
ReplyDeleteYou mean my distant cousin really isn't in Nigeria with a fortune just waiting for me to send him funds so he can release all the money to my bank account? Uh oh.
ReplyDeleteAnd China already has a problem with not enough women available. It has resulted in some kidnapping and sales of brides.
Oh, Warren, these are great. The bit with the psychic is especially funny (but she knows that).
ReplyDelete