If you are interested in blogging or want to promote your book, please contact E. B. Davis at writerswhokill@gmail.com

Our September Author Interviews--9/6 Kathleen Valenti, 9/13 David Burnsworth, 9/20 Jeri Westerson, 9/27 Frances Brody. Please join us in welcoming these authors to WWK.

September Saturday Guest Bloggers: 9/2--Anne Bannon, 9/9 WWK Bloggers, 9/16 Margaret S. Hamilton, 9/23 Kait Carson, and on 9/30 Trixie Stiletto.


“May 16, 2017 – The Women’s Fiction Writers Association (WFWA) today announced the finalists of the second annual Star Award, given to authors of published women’s fiction. Six finalists were chosen in two categories, General and Outstanding Debut. The winners of the Star Award will be announced at the WFWA Retreat in Albuquerque, New Mexico on September 23, 2017.” In the general category, WWK’s Carla Damron was one of three finalist for her novel, The Stone Necklace. Go to Carladamron.com for more information. Congratulations, Carla!

Congratulations to our writers for the following publications:

Warren Bull's new Lincoln mystery, Abraham Lincoln In Court & Campaign has been released. Look for the Kindle version on February 3.

Shari Randall's "Pets" will be included in Chesapeake Crimes: Fur, Feathers, and Felonies anthology, which will be published in 2018. In the same anthology "Rasputin," KM Rockwood's short story, will also be published. Her short story "Goldie" will be published in the Busted anthology, which will be released by Level Best Books on April 25th.

In addition, our prolific KM will have the following shorts published as well: "Sight Unseen" in Fish Out of Water, Guppie (SinC) anthology, just released, and "Making Tracks" in Passport to Murder, Bouchercon anthology, October 2017.

Margaret S. Hamilton's short story, "Once a Kappa" was published as a finalist in the Southern Writer's Magazine annual short story contest issue. Mysterical-E published her "Double Crust Corpse" in the Fall 2016 issue. "Baby Killer" will appear in the 2017 solar eclipse anthology Day of the Dark to be published this summer prior to the eclipse in August.

James M. Jackson's 4th book in the Seamus McCree series, Doubtful Relations, is now available. His novella "Low Tide at Tybee" appears February 7 as part of Lowcountry Crimes: Four Novellas, which is available for order.
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Tuesday, March 14, 2017

I'd Rather Have Bacon...

Bacon, sausage, fruit...
but please, no craft vendors
I have been watching for local maple sugaring demonstrations, since I might want to use some aspects in my next book. When I found an article about two nearby festivals, I read them carefully. I’m not sure, though, that I’m all that interested in the pancake breakfasts they sell.

“What better way to celebrate winter than hot-off-the-griddle pancakes smothered in fresh, warm maple syrup partnered with local crafts vendors.”

I found that to be a bit disconcerting. Even if the craft vendors are well done, I think I’d rather have bacon with my pancakes.

Sometimes I wonder if it’s just careless use of the language, or if I’m missing something here.

In the same local publication, I ran across a report of a pedestrian accident.

“(She) was not seriously injured when she was struck by a car walking along the edge of the road.”

If a car is walking along the edge of a road, does it count as a pedestrian, too, or does it remain a vehicle whose operator has “failed to exercise due caution with a pedestrian in the roadway?”

Then I came to an advertisement for an evening featuring “Girl Scout cookies and wine pairings.”
I used to be a Girl Scout, but I don’t remember any wine pairings with the cookies.

There’s the advertising on a package of garlic bread I bought. It helpfully instructs, “Pull apart with real
Real garlic?
garlic.”

I’m not sure exactly how one uses garlic to pull anything apart. And if I do get that figured out, would it really hurt if I pulled it apart with fake garlic or  garlic powder?

And the package of raisins that says, “Why not try tossing over your favorite breakfast cereal?” It doesn’t specify whether it’s in the context of “tossing your lunch” or what.

Don’t forget the packaging that has “Do not turn upside down” printed on the bottom.

Or peanuts. One package carries the warning, “Warning-contains peanuts.” Well duh. Another actually has instructions: “Open package. Eat nuts.”

While foods account for many of these strange sayings, other products can have equaling puzzling messages. A small slow cooker stated it was “Suitable for two people or a 2 lb. roast.” Versatile cooker, that must be, since cooking two people would need considerably more room than a 2 lb. roast.

There’s also the security envelopes, that advertise, “Can’t see in; can’t see out.” Handy if you don’t want those little people you’re mailing to be able to see where they’re going.

The medical profession has its share of interesting happenings. The patient lives at home with his mother, father and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.”

Is this a good outcome, and if so, why did the pediatrician cry? “The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut, and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.”

A newspaper notice from 100 years ago: “Boyle’s Brothers of the Emmitsburg Grain Elevator Co. have installed a 10 HP Westinghouse electric motor and are positioned to do grinding of all clients at short notice.” I do wonder how finely the clients are ground.

They haven't cast off clothes yet.
But my all-time favorite, which I may have mentioned here before, is:  “The ladies of the church auxiliary have cast off clothing of all sorts in the basement, and are available for viewing Mondays and Saturdays from 10 AM to 4 PM.”

If I need a break, I can always sign up for the “Prayer and Fast Retreat. All meals provided.”


Have you encountered any head-scratching notices lately?

14 comments:

Margaret Turkevich said...

The "click it or ticket" electronic highway banners have awful puns or bloopers from time to time. I saw "drive with cake"(not care) on social media.

Gloria Alden said...

This is so funny. I loved reading it again. I can't think of anything that I've heard recently or even remember the weird things I've read in the past, many times in the newspaper. Thanks for sharing these.

Grace Topping said...

Those things are puzzling, but what's worse are the instructions included in products produced in China and other countries. Some of the translations leave us scratching our heads.

Warren Bull said...

Ads for medication on television often say, "Do not take this if you are allergic to any of the components."

E. B. Davis said...

I wish I could remember some of the ones I've seen. The most frequent one is not using an apostrophe showing possession or a contraction. I wonder if apostrophes are expensive.

Shari Randall said...

Hilarious! I'm still picturing the car walking by the side of the road.

KM Rockwood said...

Margaret, driving with cake doesn't seem like such a bad idea, altough cupcakes might be easier to handle without interfering with the driving.

KM Rockwood said...

Gloria, local newspapers can be a wonderful source of slightly off statements. Almost as good as church bulletins.

KM Rockwood said...

Grace, you're right. I can remember instructions that read along the lines of "Carefully placing tab E in slot Y so as not to overstrike section B..."

KM Rockwood said...

Warren, I also love the commercials when the rapid-fire list of possible side effects includes, "May result in death."

KM Rockwood said...

E.B, that never occurred to me. Around here, apostrophes seem to be used or omitted randomly. If they are very expensive to put in signs, that might explain things. Or thing's. And sign's. And apostrophe's.

KM Rockwood said...

Yes, Shari. I find the pedestrian car image to be a vivid one. As is the pet turtle enrolled in day care.

Deborah Romano said...

A long time ago our local library's calendar announced an "infant and child choking training session" to be provided by the Red Cross.

KM Rockwood said...

Do you remember if anyone signed up for the choking classes, Deborah?