Well, it’s January 5 and I’ve already blown my New Year’s
resolutions, so I’ve decided to do something that’s more fun. I’ll make
resolutions for other people.
Here’s a list of things that your librarian (that would be
me) would like patrons to resolve to do – or not do in the library - for 2015 and beyond:
1. Please do not use nude photos of your girlfriend as bookmarks.
2. When you loudly answer your phone in the Quiet Study
area, please don’t begin your conversation with “I’m in the library.” The irony
kills us.
3. Parents, stop doing your kid’s homework. (Policymakers
note: doing this would raise test scores and lower blood pressure for millions
of people without spending a penny.)
4. Don’t eat in the library. If you are going to eat in the
library, please choose an entrée that we can’t smell.
5. On a side note, when you do sneak food in, don’t leave
your McDonald’s bag stuffed between Maurice Sendak and Dr. Seuss. This is a
heavily trafficked area and the aroma of French fries has led to many of us
falling off the Weight Watchers wagon.
6. If you are a government contractor who wants to reserve a
conference room, please don’t tell me that you’re a non-profit. You are not. I
am not bumping the children’s story time for you. Also, I am not your
secretary. And yes, I am going to wait on patrons in the order they line up.
That means I am going to help that eight year old figure out what book to read
next in the Warriors: Omen of the Stars
series. Yes, that is more important than you.
7. Please don’t leave your children unattended. Besides not
being that guy’s secretary, we are not your babysitters.
8. When you return your copy of The Duke’s Deadly Desire with the pages damp and still scented with
bath bubbles, please don’t tell us that you checked it out that way.
9. Students, don’t bother telling us that your project is
due tomorrow. We know.
10. Don’t tell me that everything is on the Internet.
“Everything” includes misinformation, disinformation, pay walls, and sales
pitches disguised as information. We know where the really good stuff is – and
we’ll help you find it.
Thanks for letting me get that off my chest, and here’s a resolution for 2015 we can all agree
on: Have more fun. But, if you’re in a library, please do it quietly.
Do you have a new year’s resolution?
I love your attitude, Shari. Full of snap for the New Year! I will confess to two library sins.
ReplyDelete1. One book was damaged in a tussle when my children were young.
2. Before I got my Kindle, I took library books on the beach to read. Bad idea. One was damaged. After that, I bought paperbacks to take to the beach. Now, I read my Kindle, which works out fairly well. A bit of sand to clean out, but nothing more.
On both occasions, I fessed up to the librarians and paid for the books. Of course now, I download most of my books since I actually prefer to read on my Kindle.
I take it that nude pictures of boyfriends are okay?
ReplyDeleteAll my best to all librarians in the world -- my world would be smaller without you -- except the few who somehow think their are guardians of knowledge instead of dispensers of it.
~ Jim
All is forgiven, EB! And I've paid my share of fines too - I just tell myself that the library can buy more books that way.
ReplyDeleteJim - it depends of the boyfriend ;) And I'm with you - like most professions, there are good and bad apples in the library world. Some forget that we are supposed to keep the door open, not closed.
I love these, Shari. Number eight made me smile. I've found chocolate wrappers doubling as bookmarks along with chocolate shavings in romance books that I checked out from the library.
ReplyDeleteI've worked in libraries, and I can sympathize!
ReplyDeleteJim, that reminds me of the joke (at least I hope it's a joke) of the librarian who is asked "How's the library doing?"
"Very well," he answers. "There's only one book out, and I'm going to get it now!"
Great post, Shari! One of my New Year's resolutions is to get back to using the library more again.
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteGreat post, Shari. I love both my libraries, especially the one in the small town closest to me. I've never met a rude librarian. They are always so helpful. In fact, the librarian who started one of my book clubs in a local cafe, has now retired and joined our group now that she has the time. Still, I have to admit to buying more books than I check out, but only mysteries in series that I want to keep on my shelf.
Kara, I think romance readers know how to live! I had to laugh - we've found some pretty weird stuff used as bookmarks but the best was a strip of bacon. (what a waste of bacon)
ReplyDeleteKM - :)
ReplyDeleteLinda, thank you. Good resolution!
ReplyDeleteGloria, I am glad to hear your positive comment. I cringe when I hear about rude or unhelpful librarians. Like every job, there are good and bad apples. It's just that I think libraries do not get funded sometimes because some politicians had run-ins with some cranky librarians when they were kids.
ReplyDeleteThis post is so funny! Love it! And thanks for all you and other librarians do for readers and writers.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Donna! Actually, I do love my library job and feel so lucky to work there - but there are those rare days… ;)
ReplyDeleteLove this post!
ReplyDeleteDecades ago when my mother got her masters in Library Sciences, her first new rule was talking Was allowed in the library. BUT I wonder how she'd feel about cellphones? Never mind I know. She'd rule the speaker had to be on so Everybody could hear both sides of the conversation.
And as for food. Same rule as gum in school. Bring some for everyone, or none for you!
Kath, I like your mom's rules - especially the one about sharing food!
ReplyDeleteI love this, Shari! Nude photos as bookmarks? Yikes.
ReplyDelete