Alfred
Hitchcock once said, “Puns are the highest form of literature.” I’m not sure
about that, but I do know it takes a special talent and a quirky sense of humor
to come up with them. The Oxford English Dictionary describes a pun as the
humorous use of a word to suggest different meanings, or of words of the same
sound and different meanings. Some people love puns, some people hate them, and
others are indifferent; liking a few and not caring for or not getting the
point of others. I happen to find them quite amusing.
On
May 9th in Austin, Texas, the 38th annual O. Henry
Pun-Off World Championship will take place. People will be rewarded for
spouting puns. So I thought I’d list some funny puns here to get you in the
mood. The following list is taken from the “Pun of the Day” website.
1. Did
you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
2. I’m
reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
3. I
wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
4. I
used to be a banker, but I lost interest.
5. It’s
not that the man did not know how to juggle; he just didn’t have the balls.
6. I
don’t trust these stairs because they’re always up to something.
7. Did
you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky
it was a soft drink.
8. A
man just assaulted me with milk, cream and butter. How dairy.
9. I’m
glad I know sign language, it’s pretty handy.
10. I
couldn’t quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it all came
back to me.
Some
of the above were anonymous and others had hash tags, but no real names.
Last
month the United Kingdom Pun Championship of 2015 was held in Leicester. A
punster named Leo Kearse from Penpoint, who refers to himself as a Kearse on
humanity took the title with gems like these:
“I was at the hospital
last week. I asked the nurse if I could tend to my own stitches, she said
suture self.”
“Marvin Gaye kept a
sheep in my vineyard. He’d herd it through the grapevine.
“I used to have a job
drilling holes for water. It was well, boring.”
If
the above isn’t enough, on Jan. 1, The Bored of Governors of the International
Save The Pun Foundation issued its annual list of the 10 Best-Stressed Puns of
the year. The following are a few.
* There
was a burglar who would sneak into people’s bedrooms to give them a pedicure as
they slept. He was a clip toe
maniac.
* What
is the difference between a nicely dressed man on a tricycle and a poorly
dressed man on a
bicycle? A tire.
* When
I saw the depressed mathematician, I asked, “What sum adder with you?”
* I
bought an impressionist painting, but my cat scratched it. So I’m now selling
it as a clawed Monet.
One
of my sisters and also a brother-in-law of mine are quite good at creating puns. I’m
not even though I enjoy hearing them and I always laugh when they tell one. A few more perhaps?
Jonathan
Swift: “Punning is a talent which no man affects to despise, but he that is
without it.”
Steven
Colbert: “What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto.”
Shakespeare:
“Tis no mean happiness to be seated in the mean.”
Bob
Hope: “Over the years, I have been subjected to many indignities, all for the
sake of Art. If I ever catch him, I’m going to kill the guy.”
Okay,
enough with the punning. I’m all punned out even though none of these were my
own.
Well, maybe just one more. Sorry can't help myself.
Do
you like puns?
Do
you create puns?
Can
you share a pun you like either your own or one you’ve heard?
