1) The best anti-rain talisman known to man is the umbrella you remember to take to your office. The best rain talisman known to man is the umbrella you forget in your car.
2) If your browser history would make you the top suspect if your spouse died suspiciously, you probably write mysteries. If you don’t write mysteries, your spouse should worry.
3) Free tip: 95% of computer problems can be solved by unplugging the computer and rebooting it. Caveat: Call in the professionals for the remaining 5%. Fact of Life: If the computer displays the black screen of death, it’s dead, Jim.
4) Do you realize that modern civilization is almost totally dependent on the health of a handful of orbiting satellites? If you don’t, think back to the last time your cell phone service or internet went out.
5) If your first thought on passing a nook or a cranny is what a great place it would be to stash a body, weapon or assailant, you are either a mystery writer or a contract killer.
6) Never let the office copier know you are working on a deadline.
7) The worst typographical error that you don’t catch will be on the first page of the document in a prominent position.
8) Important tip in planning a murder: Do not list the name of the person you intend to kill in the contacts on your phone under “sacrifice” or “victim.” (True story.)
9) Home is not a place. Home is people.
10) It is impossible to proofread your own work with 100% accuracy.
11) Age is just a number. I know this because my joints have counted every single year.
12) God has a sense of humor. Ask the young elementary teacher who prayed for patience. The next day? A new student enrolled in her class. Her name was Patience. (True story).
13) You always find the thing that you lost in the last place that you look.
14) Writing is hard work. It requires time and dedication. While writing, I am not free to discuss homework, our plans for next weekend, what to watch on TV or whose turn it is to walk the dog or take out the trash. I may not even hear the non-writer the first three times he or she speaks.
15) To be fair, if I’m reading a good book, I won’t hear the non-reader the first three times he or she speaks, either.
What a fun list!
ReplyDeleteOn a recent garden tour, I stood, mesmerized by a natural rock hidey-hole surrounded by a dense thicket. Someone asked if I planned to use the same bushes in my own garden. You can guess my reply.
ReplyDeleteGreat list! As for 13, though, of course the place you find something is the last place you look. Who would go on searching when the lost object is in hand?
ReplyDeleteLove these, Nancy! Number 7 is too true! I noticed a typo in something I queried soon as I sent it out.
ReplyDeleteNancy, this is hysterical because it is all 100% true.
ReplyDeleteOh so funny and oh so true!
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