I go on breakfast “kicks” where I gladly eat the same thing for breakfast every day for months or years, until whatever fast food place discontinues the particular breakfast food I like or we move and the fast food place I have been going to is no longer near me. When you go to the same drive-thru around the same time five days a week, you get to know the people serving you at the window.
For example, when my daughter was little, we went through the same Burger King for three years, until we moved and changed school systems. Even now, Debra, the cashier who has worked the breakfast/lunch register there since 2005, recognizes me when I show up, even though it’s been years since we lived in the area. It’s a fun reunion these days when I’m in the area and go through the drive-thru at the right time.
My current relationship is with a nearby Wendy’s. Someone new was working the window the other day, and when I pulled up, she asked me how I was. I answered, “Fine. How are you?” This, to me, is just good manners. However, it does not seem to be standard operating procedure for many Wendy’s customers, because the young lady thanked me for asking, noting that most people just answer her question and don’t ask their own. Today, when I went through the drive-thru, the same young lady rang up my order and it cost less than normal. Not wanting to cheat anyone, I asked her about it, and she told me she didn’t charge me for my drink. I thanked her, and then she added that I came through every day, I always was nice to her, and she appreciated it. That remark shook me; there’s no reason not to be polite to the person serving you at the fast food window.
I have noticed a decline in basic manners over the years. I was taught that when someone says “Thank you,” the correct answer is “You’re welcome.” Now it’s one of the things I use to rank fast food places; it is the rare window where I receive a “You’re welcome.” Even the “thank you” is getting farther and fewer between. (For those of you who think I may have an over developed relationship with fast food, that is a blog post for another day!)
Check-out clerks in stores and waiters in restaurants also are not overwhelmed with daily kindnesses. My husband and I make a point of remembering a server’s name and thanking them, by name, for the things they do for us; this small courtesy makes their faces light up. I feel good for brightening their day, but I feel sad to realize so few people do so.
These courtesies matter because they convince people I am seeing them, not the uniform they are wearing or the service they are providing. Everyone wants to know that they matter, that they are recognized as a person, not just a position. When we see the position, not the person, we are disengaging the observation functions of our brain to lighten the mental effort a particular task involves. In doing so, we miss the chance to connect.
In writing, however, encouraging people to see the position not the person might be helpful, especially when the writer is trying to conceal the identity of the killer. I’m interested to know what you think.
And please, take the time to wish the next sales clerk, fast food server or other service person you encounter a good day. A little kindness can go a long way.
What a great reminder of life (and what we should do) and fiction (where we might blur the lines)
ReplyDeleteI try to give people serving me a smile, regardless of how I feel. That was a problem during COVID when I wore a mask. I learned to smile with my eyes.
ReplyDeleteWhen I worked in an inner city school, we reminded ourselves that the smile and "Good morning!" with which we greeted our students on a Monday morning might be the first positive interaction they'd had since they left school on Friday. Being kind courteous costs nothing, but can have a huge payoff for people.
ReplyDeleteI always have a pleasantry ready when I approach a cash register, a continuation of fifteen years in Atlanta, where talking aimlessly about nothing was an art form.
ReplyDeleteWell said, Nancy. There does seem to be a loss of courtesy in recent years. I’ve noticed it more since the pandemic. Sad.
ReplyDeleteNancy, Courtesy is so important in all relationships. We are often rewarded for it in many ways.
ReplyDeleteI always respond with a thank you or you’re welcome. The response I get to thank you is most often ‘of course’ which I don’t understand and I haven’t found a satisfactory explanation for this as the reply.
ReplyDeleteI work in a public service area where we frequently greet people with hello whether we know them or not. Most of them respond in kind but some just walk by without any acknowledgement.
Of course a lot are wearing something over their ears so they don’t even hear you, they also don’t look at you either since they are glued to their phones.
I think these two behaviors are responsible for the isolation and lack of interaction that seems to have become more prevalent when dealing with people in any context.