I’m giving up writing.
Seriously. Why do we do this? When you consider the crazed state of the commercial publishing industry, and now that self-publishing has become so easy that millions of people are now publishing their own books, what’s a regular old author supposed to do? How do we make our work stand out and get noticed? What’s the whole point of writing if we can’t get read?
It’s not like there’s any real money in the writing trade. Did I actually ever make minimum wage as a novelist? Probably not. What kind of idiot works for next to nothing? Not this girl. Not anymore.
Just imagine all the hours I’ll get back. No more getting up, grabbing my coffee, and chaining myself to the computer. No more late nights pounding away at the keyboard. When people ask me if I saw the latest episode of some popular TV show, I’ll proudly answer, “Yes!”
Okay. I’ll have to finish that novel before I put my writing to rest. Will I take up crochet? Maybe I’ll build a deck or learn how to work on cars. I’ve always wanted to put in a vegetable garden.
And here’s the best part: I won’t have to feel GUILTY for not writing. When I go away for a weekend I won’t berate myself for forgetting the laptop. When I spend Saturday afternoon at a movie or visiting with friends, I won’t have to listen to that evil inner critic who tells me I’m not dedicated enough to my craft. As a matter of fact, that jerk can just high-tail it on out of my head. I won’t have to listen to her anymore!
Of course, there are a few things I need to do before I stop writing completely. The river scene in my mainstream novel WIP—I really do need to tighten that. Once I do, it’ll be so much better. And that short story I wrote about making a pie—I could expand that middle section a little more and then sub it to a literary journal or two. But then I’ll be done with writing. I’ll take up kayaking or …
No, there’s also my latest Caleb Knowles novel that needs finishing. I can’t leave Caleb’s brother in the hands of that murderous bad guy. Caleb has got to get in there and save him! And I have lots of ideas about how he might do it, and then the bad guy gets away but what if Caleb goes after him, but doesn’t know about his accomplices and…
Okay. I’ll have to finish that novel before I put my writing to rest. Will I take up crochet? Maybe I’ll build a deck or learn how to work on cars. I’ve always wanted to put in a vegetable garden.
I do have one question though. How long will it be before all the characters who live in my head go away? Will I miss them? Will their silence make me feel lonely? And how do I keep new ones from taking their place? I’ve never had much control over who takes up residence in my wacky brain, but maybe that bit of creative juice will simply dry up.
I’m not sure I like that.
And will my dreams change, now that I won’t have characters to speak to me in my sleep? I can’t imagine having a dream about crocheting.
Maybe I’ll have to give this matter of abandoning my writing a little more thought.
Have you ever thought about giving up the craft? What stopped you?
If I stop enjoying the writing process, I’ll stop without regrets. I am not one who has to write. I didn’t try to write anything publishable after my fling with poetry in high school and college, so if I decide to do something else, it’s because that thing calls to me more.
ReplyDeleteIt probably won’t be watching the latest show on TV, however.
~ Jim
Why, yes. Last fall I hit the- I'm fooling myself, I'm just wasting my laptop's time- wall. So many years of rejections. As a last "I don't care, I'll just do it" I entered a writing contest held by a publishing company that had quickly rejected one of my mss. just that summer. And I entered two mss., one in each category, MG and YA.
ReplyDeleteI was walking on air when I made the semi finals in both. And then I made the finals in the MG. The reward: a line edit, editorial letter, and email feedback on revisions from the editor in charge of the MG category.
I may write alone, but the truth is I don't write just for myself. I need someone else to see the value. The hope is back.
I become frustrated by my lack of time because I think that, like every craft, the more time you spend practicing pays off and increases your skill level.
ReplyDeleteBeing published in short stories has fueled my confidence that I can write at a professional level. But novel writing demands a continued and sustained concentration that my life style affords only in spurts.
When I have a few months that are clear, I make the most of it, but I find that still isn't enough time. I need a year free--maybe when we retire. Until then, I keep pushing myself to write around the obstacles my life presents.
EB you are so right. We have to work around the obstacles. And Kath, I'm delighted the hope is back! Congrats on getting to the finals. Jim, your point, "I am not the one who has to write," is key. We write because it brings us something, and that is probably not wealth. At least, monetary wealth.
ReplyDeleteCarla, I write because it's what I do. I've always written. It's how I survived a violent, abusive childhood. It's how I live. For years, I had a day job that required 60-80-hour weeks, so I wrote poetry instead of novels. But I still wrote.
ReplyDeleteRight now, I'm facing a tight book deadline, and I start thinking about how nice it would be if I didn't have to write anything. If I could spend my time doing fiberart, cooking, going for long walks in wild surroundings, having lunch with friends, just goofing off for long periods of time. But I know I'd be picking up a notebook and pen in no time. It's what I do.
This is the time of the year I feel most frustrated. I want to write. I have so many ideas for my 4th book and can't find the time to start it. A lot of it has to do with all the outside work that needs done this time of the year, mowing, weeding, planting - work I actually enjoy and want to be doing. The other part of me wants to be inside writing. Not writing leaves me feeling frustrated with all the ideas and thoughts churning inside my head for that fourth book, for short stories, for poetry and a need to do a final revision and polishing of book three. Still I'm looking back wistfully on those summer days when school was out and I had no more lessons to plan or papers to grade and had time to garden - a passion of mine - and read on summer afternoons.
ReplyDeleteDear Carla, Jim, Kath, EB, Linda, and Gloria, just a brief note from someone who has read each of your writings and appreciated them: PLEASE DON`T STOP! Thank you. Your fan, Paula
ReplyDeletePaula, you're a sweetheart!
ReplyDeleteThis is fantastic and had me laughing. I've had this same conversation with myself so many times.
ReplyDelete