Friday, July 22, 2011

Midwest News


By the time you read this I will be in New Zealand, but I will try to keep up on what's going on back home.


News From the Midwest

Independence, Missouri

After getting reports of an alligator moving through the forest, police officers, urged on by the Missouri Department of Conservation, took two shots at a large reptile by a stream bank. A man living nearby approached the officers and told them the creature was a concrete lawn ornament. A police spokeman told reporters the man had used it to keep trespassers away. They suggest he get a “No Trespassing” sign.

The police chief expressed support of his “brave boys in blue” and said he hoped to send them out to deal with pink plastic flamingos that constituted a public threat as “eyesores.”

Prairie Village, Kansas

A psychotherapist with more than 25 years in practice was sentenced to 32 months in prison for selling marijuana to one of his clients. A search of his home revealed additional illicit drugs. He surrendered his license, apparently having surrendered his common sense at some time in the past.

Topeka, Kansas

A man exiting a supermarket discovered that high winds had sent a shopping cart into his parked car, denting the vehicle. After failing to break a window by throwing the offending cart at it, the man drove his car through the front double doors, ending up in the frozen food section of the store. He drove out of the store and rapidly departed the scene.

Kansas City, Missouri

The International House of Pancakes filed suit against the International House of Prayer for trademark infringement. Apparently this was to assist those who confuse communion wafers with blueberry waffles.

Aurora, Missouri

A teenaged girl took matters into her own hands when a substitute school bus driver smelling of alcohol sped along his route with a bus full of students. She used her cell phone to call police and let them know the location of the errant bus. She stayed on the phone until the driver was pulled over and arrested.

Chicago, Illinois

A woman in the Chicago area drove her Neon twenty miles for an oil change. When mechanics popped the hood they found a black and white cat perched on the radiator hose. The woman is not the cat’s owner and is now looking for a home for the feline now named “Neon.” The dealer’s service department did not charge the woman any extra explaining, “Cat removals are free on Thursdays.”

Cheerio!

8 comments:

  1. Props to the teenaged girl--and the stalwart cat! How is it in NZ? Have a great trip!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Maybe I should consider a concrete alligator for my front yard to scare away potential burglars. Enjoy New Zealand!

    ReplyDelete
  3. LOL. Thanks for starting off my morning in a happy mood. Near me there's a deer in a front yard that even as I drive past and without being a hunter, I can see it's not a real deer. There are several bullet holes in this deer. I wonder about the visual acuity of the hunters who shot that deer.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Maybe these articles in the news are the reason why I like the Darwin Awards. It never fails to amaze me what people do or what circumstances people find themselves in.

    Tell us if you find any differences between people in your travels. I know the culture will be different. And I wondering what weird tales you will spin from your travels. Are any Big Foot (Foots? Feet?) creatures down there?

    ReplyDelete
  5. The Kiwis I have met have been universally friendly and helpful. Judy and I got lost on a 'tramp" after dark. Our map was faulty and we have no vehicle. Two nice university students out for a jog walked us to the lighted path that was almost where the map indicated.
    We got home unscathed It will be nice when we get a working phone and internet connection in the house.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Warren, the little news snipits were interesting. I'm glad the cat made it. Hooray for the girl who could think.

    ReplyDelete
  7. As a fellow Midwestern, I am rather embarrassed, but these are hilarious.

    Very jealous of you being in NZ, Warren.

    Oh my, my verification word is didspank!

    ReplyDelete
  8. I agree with the comments supporting the girl who could think for herself. There's not enough of that going on.

    ReplyDelete