Writers Who Kill

Last year, my husband and I took a two-week driving trip from our home in Colorado Springs through Wyoming and Montana and into Canada, where we visited Banff and Jasper for the first time. It was a gorgeous trip with such an abundance of breathtaking sights that I already long to return.

But at one point, sitting in the car on one of our seven-hour driving days, I was restless and ready to be “there.” My husband said, “Just enjoy the journey,” and I felt myself cringe.

It’s common advice that has been directed at me many times, and while well-intentioned, it never succeeds in altering a particular personality quirk in my nature. And that is…in most aspects of life, I am a destination-oriented individual. I want to be where I’m going. Once I arrive, I can be “present” and enjoy the place, the time, the experience. But the journey itself is often anxiety-producing.

Naturally, I realize there’s plenty of fodder for a therapist in that revelation. Am I a high-energy worrier? Yes, indeed. Control freak much? You bet. I speculate that my mother is responsible, since mothers are to blame for all our foibles, right?

Let’s take my recent trip to Malice Domestic, a reader-writer mystery conference in Bethesda, Maryland. Now, Bethesda is a long hike from Colorado Springs, involving all-day travel each way—airports, connections, a hundred decisions. For example, checked luggage or carry-on? What if I check my luggage and the airline loses it? What if I can’t fit everything in a carry-on? As it has each year (so far…lol), everything proceeded smoothly, and I enjoyed myself at the conference. But when I try to remind myself pre-trip of all the past experiences, it doesn’t diminish the worry. My effort only adds self-recrimination to the mix.

I’ve grappled with the destination urge all my life, but as I’ve gotten older, I’m trying to navigate it in a fresh way. For me, perhaps it’s better to embrace insightfulness and accept that the eccentricity is part of who I am. When I recognize the trait occurring, I can nod my head and shrug my shoulders. It’s just me, and this too shall pass.

Since I had that epiphany, I’ve been able to link the desire to “be there” to my author’s quest. As a result, I can finally confess something writers don’t like to say aloud: I don’t especially look forward to the daily task of writing.

“I hate writing. I love having written.”

This quote has been widely attributed to Dorothy Parker, though my research casts that in doubt while providing no clear lineage of its true origin. At any rate, the quote sums up my attitude. I don’t enjoy the process of drafting nearly as much as all that comes after.

You have likely already guessed that I’m a plotter. I want a map—an inciting incident, a killer I know ahead of time, suspects, red herrings—all of it planned before I sit to tap away at my keyboard. Do I take occasional detours? Absolutely. Sometimes I even pick up hitchhikers I expect to transport for a single leg of the trip, and they end up staying in my car for an entire series. But in terms of destination, I feel antsy until I either get back on the beaten path or convince myself to update the map.

At the end of each day’s trek, I’m satisfied, if not with the words themselves, with the knowledge that I’ve completed that stretch of road and will be ready to start out again the next day. But it’s not until the draft is complete, until I’ve reached the terminus, that I experience true tranquility. Editing is a joyous pursuit for me, like exploring the locale at which I have arrived.

Understanding this about myself frees me to plug away, knowing that if I do, the destination is inevitable.

What about you? Do you prefer journeys, destinations, or both?

The Callie Cassidy Mystery series is available on Amazon Kindle, Kindle Unlimited, and paperback.

***

Lori Roberts Herbst writes the Callie Cassidy Mysteries, a cozy mystery series set in Rock Creek Village, Colorado, and the soon-to-be-released Seahorse Bay Mysteries, set in a Texas cruise port town. To find out more and to sign up for her newsletter, go to www.lorirobertsherbst.com