I should try yoga.
This guidance has been given to me by just about every friend
I have. It comes more frequently now that I’m having some health issues that
are exacerbated by stress. Nothing major, just annoying stuff, for which I was
given two commands by two different doctors:
- Stop all caffeine
- Reduce my stress.
They seemed to have very little insight into how item one
would make item two virtually impossible. I went through the caffeine detox, done
gradually over several weeks. Several
long, trying weeks. Do I find my caffeine-free life to be wonderful? Nope. Have
I gotten over the cravings? Nope. (There is no twelve-step program for recovering
addicts like me. I know, I’ve looked.)
Has it helped my health situation? I’m afraid so. A little.
So then it was time to tackle number two. The timing couldn’t
have been worse; I was in the middle of prepping for a massive conference. My
little two part-time people agency hosts 500 social workers, 50 presenters, and
4 keynotes over three days, and getting ready for this gathering is a nightmare.
Still, I follow medical orders.
The yoga idea kept getting repeated by concerned friends. (I
think they are friends.) I found a class
at my gym but it didn’t fit my schedule, so I looked on-line. Googling “yoga
for beginners”, “yoga for seniors”, “gentle yoga,” and “yoga for overstressed
idiots” yielded numerous results. (Not the last one, though.) I decided to try several of these
instructional videos, unrolling my yoga mat, donning my workout clothes, and
watching with great care to make sure I was getting each posture right.
It worked great! For about three minutes. The sweet, calming
music. The gentle yoga voice of each and every gazelle-shaped yoga instructor. The
careful, slow transition from one position to the next---It should have been
something I could do! Let me walk you through my reactions.
Okay. I’m taking a deep, cleansing breath. Lifting my arms.
Still lifted. Still breathing. Slow, deep breaths, she says again. How long are we just gonna stand here here breathing like
this? Dear God, this is boring. COME ON, Gazelle!!! Quit with the quiet talk
and move on! CAN’T we do something else? Finally, a different stretch. Uh oh. She
wants more breathing. She goes on and on about it. Do people REALLY NEED to be
reminded to breathe? What kind of idiots do yoga?
I fast forwarded through the breathing. Then most of the
stretching. Then I turned on The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel.
Yoga did NOT reduce my stress. Yoga made me want to punch someone.
Namely a skinny, sweet-voiced yoga instructor.
Now, some of you out there are yoga people, and I know what
you’re thinking. I should try a live class, right? And you know what? You’re
right. I’ll try one. The question is, will I need to be medicated before
entering the yoga studio?
Then again, I’ve heard goat yoga is a thing. That might be
just what the doctor ordered!
What do you do to manage stress? Any tips for caffeine
cravings?
