A Found Memory by Nancy L. Eady

As I mentioned in my last post, the plan was to move this month. The plan worked. I will not be executing a similar plan in the foreseeable future. 

We started moving in our new house Saturday. We can now walk in our bedroom, find clothes for work during the week, walk in the great room and the kitchen and the bathrooms, which is great progress. I have not yet found the cord for the family laptop, which made writing this post challenging, but I’m sure we’ll find it soon. 

One of the heroes of this move was my daughter, Kayla. She’s a young adult now, and she worked incredibly hard. She helped with packing, cleaning, moving stuff out of one house, moving stuff into the other house, and unpacking. Plus, she has taken on the task of walking all three dogs as they need it until we get our fence. Currently the waiting list for the fence is four weeks.  

But I was looking through some old notes, and found the following anecdote from when she was fourteen. Times have certainly changed! Here is the story, as told the night after it happened: 

Things got a little tense at our household this morning thanks to contacts and baseball, strange combination that it is.

Kayla got contacts about a month ago and after the first three days, which were rough, had most of the kinks worked out – until this morning.  I knocked on her bedroom door to tell her I was going to take a shower, so wanted to tell her good-bye in advance.  In return, I got screamed at    yelled at  was informed tersely that her contacts were just “not working” this morning and she was afraid she was going to miss the bus. [How something with no moving parts or motor can “not work” is beyond me.]

When I told her she had nine minutes left and she should calm down a little, I threw a spark onto a pile of dry twigs and leaves.  I am not saying I slammed any doors over the conversation —but I slammed my bedroom door over the conversation.

However, as we all know, Karma works its magic at the worst (or best) possible times.

Fifteen minutes after the bus came, Kayla texted.  She had forgotten her permission slip for the baseball game field trip her class was taking today, and would I please bring it to her at school so she wouldn’t have to sit in the boring classroom all day long and my husband and I lose the twenty dollars we had plunked down for the field trip?  [I’m sure it was our losing the twenty dollars that was worrying her the most.] [Insert sarcasm font.]

I contemplated telling her “No.”  I should have told her “No.”  I almost texted “No.” But instead I clenched my jaw and started looking for it.  Once I found it, the following text exchange ensued:

ME:  Leaving house now.  Please be at front at drop-off line to pick up form.  Do NOT make me park and come inside. 

KAYLA:  I can’t do that. It’s against the rules.

[At which point, I had grounds for justifiable homicide.]

ME:  Then how the ^&*&%$%(*&^ do you expect me to get it to…    [text deletion and rewording interrupted by further communication from Kayla.]

KAYLA:  I’ll try it

ME: [Deletes previous text without sending.]

KAYLA:  Coach Dean said I could come to the car-rider line.

My mood was not improved by the fact that I managed to lose the permission slip three times before I made it into the car to head to the school.  

The smile on her face when she grabbed the form from me, though, made it worth it.

Finding forgotten memories like that are one of the great joys of writing for me. It’s a little snip of serendipity from the past. Have you ever thought of how you might use that type of “found” memory in a mystery setting?  

Telling Stories and Storytelling

Image courtesy of Roke from Wikimedia Commons

My grandmother always told me, “Now don’t you be telling no stories.”

She meant lies and other nefarious fabrications, not flights of fancy. The word “story” could mean either in her mind, and she frowned on both. Anything that wasn’t factual was suspect because non-facts had no foundation and therefore couldn’t be trusted. Stories were like gathering clouds—dangerous in their potential.

My husband would agree with her definition if not her assessment. He’s an engineer, suspicious of the frayed edge that all stories have, the place where facts start unraveling. He says that fact and truth are the same thing. He says that if he started writing equations based on my ideas of truth, planes would fall from the sky.

It’s a point.

And yet my brain can’t make sense of all the facts around me. Information overload sets in, so my brain begins editing my reality into something I can comprehend, erasing this, focusing on that. It connects my present experience to the other experiences folded and tucked in my gray matter, and by doing so, creates a chronology, a sense of past and future, effect and consequence. The human brain is wired for stories, and it programs our consciousness accordingly.

Not facts. Stories.

Memory is useful not for what it records, but for what it erases. For the vast majority of us, it is not photographic. It takes out the extraneous—however factual—and leaves us with essence—however slanted. And our recollection is slanted; it must be. No true and perfectly accurate memory exists. Certain details, by necessity, weren’t captured in the first place, and every subsequent time your consciousness touches the memory, it further alters it, even as the flawed memory is carved deeper into your brain.

Jonah Lehrer explains it more eloquently than I can in his Seed magazine article "The Neuroscience of Proust":

“Every time we remember, the neuronal structure of the memory, no matter how constant it may feel, is delicately transformed. If you prevent the memory from changing, it ceases to exist. So the purely objective memory . . . is the one memory lost to you forever.”

Criminal justice research shows how problematic this process is, revealing that even though juries value eyewitness identification as gold-standard evidence, it is actually the most fallible of testimony.

I think this is why I’ve always loved reading mysteries, why I eventually became a crime fiction writer. If my own memory was suspect, malleable, shaped by my subconscious every second of the day, then why not lean into that unreliability? Why not partner with it instead of fighting it?

And so I have. I’m hard at work crafting the seventh book in my Tai Randolph series, tentatively titled Prodigal Lies. Like me, Tai isn’t afraid of a little lie (white or otherwise). She spins them out of necessity, but also for the sheer fun of it. It’s one of the pleasures of writing her.

Sorry, Grandma.

*     *     * 

Tina Whittle writes the Tai Randolph mysteries for Poisoned Pen Press. The sixth book in this Atlanta-based series—Necessary Ends—is available now. Tina is a proud member of Sisters in Crime and serves as both a chapter officer and national board member. Visit her website to follow her on social media, sign up for her newsletter, or read additional scenes and short stories: www.tinawhittle.com.

Days Like This and Days Like That

If you listened to the Serial podcast this fall, you might remember that host Sarah Koenig started the very first episode by discussing how difficult it is for us to remember individual days of the run-of-the-mill variety. In great detail, she discusses how we tend to remember details clearly only if the day was of great importance of one way or another.

For example: Many of us can give our hour-by-hour movements on a day like Sept. 11, 2001. I can tell you I worked out, took a shower, got out of the shower to the image of the towers on fire, saw the towers fall, went to Spanish class in complete shock, spent the rest of the day at my college newspaper and then the evening eating cookies ‘n’ cream ice cream on the couch with my roommates and boyfriend.

The point Koenig was trying to make was that on days when nothing important seems to happen, it’s incredibly difficult to remember what happened in particular. And then when the cops come knocking six weeks later and claim you killed your girlfriend? Well…yeah, then you become Adnan Syed. A guy who may or may not have done something wrong but couldn’t remember much in particular about the day his girlfriend went missing. And then you might end up talking about it on a viral podcast.

Often memory plays a huge role in mystery writing. What someone does or does not remember can be huge to the plot and can have equally huge implications to the character—whether the person is intentionally “forgetting” (i.e. lying) or if that person is like Adnan and just can’t recall anything because that day wasn’t special until it was.

I’ve been thinking about this phenomenon a lot this week because April 1 (yes, April Fool’s Day) was the fifteen-year anniversary of my first date with my husband. I’m not sure if most couples would normally remember the exact date of their first date, but simply because ours happens to fall on the world’s worse holiday (I hate pranks), I always remember it—my husband does too (without me nagging him).

And we remember what we did, too: walked downtown and ate Thai food. Now, the restaurant isn’t there anymore and we even disagree as to what it was called, but we remember that we ate there.

Do you have very specific days that stick out in your mind? If you’ve toyed with memory with your characters, how have you done so?

Why Did I Come in This Room?

Leonard Pitts, one of my favorite columnists, recently wrote a column on forgetfulness. He wrote that as he approached the thirtieth commemoration of his thirtieth birthday, he finds that happens a lot lately. It reminded him of an old expression; “Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most.” He couldn’t remember who said that and cited numerous episodes he’d had of forgetting.

 I relate to that. A few weeks ago I was thinking I needed to start cutting down shrubs that keep popping up everywhere. Although I’ve had them for years and years, I couldn’t remember the name of them. So I looked through garden catalogs and found they were; ‘Rose of Sharon.’ I felt so foolish. How could I forget something I’ve had for years? Then I wanted to get some of that frozen stuff for punch I was making, something that wasn’t ice cream, but fruity at the grocery store, but I couldn’t find it and couldn’t ask anyone because I couldn’t remember what it was called. Then I saw it on a bottom shelf in the freezer; sherbet. Again I felt stupid.

Based on this article, I decided to blog about it. (If one of my fellow bloggers has already blogged about this topic, please forgive my forgetfulness.) So I went to my old friend Google to see what it had to say about it. There was too much to write everything, so I’ll hit the highlights of several articles.

First was an article entitled “Major cause of age-related memory loss discovered.” I’d heard about it on NPR, and maybe many of you have already heard of this discovery by researchers from Columbia University Medical Center. It seems that a protein RbAp48 deficiency in the brain is a major cause of age-related memory loss. The study was published online in the journal Science Translational Medicine. The researchers say this form of memory loss is reversible. Of course, it may be some years before it can apply to us, but it’s working in mice.

WebMD in an article titled “Is Your Memory Normal?” wrote “They say that memory loss is the second thing to happen as you get older. So what’s the first? Ummm, I forgot!” The article states that mild memory loss is perfectly normal – especially as we age. If we forget simple things, we’re not necessarily developing Alzheimer’s disease. There are a lot of people just like us who misplace things, can’t remember the name of a person they recognize, but haven’t seen for a while or only met once.  Stuart Zola, PhD,  a research career scientist who has dedicated his work to memory function, says it happens as young as in the 20s and 30s, but we worry more about it when we hit fifties and older.  He said, “Memory is tricky, and time is the worst enemy. Shortly after taking in information, memory traces begin to deteriorate; some fade right away, some less quickly and a lot depends on the nature of the information, how important the information is and also depends on our stress level. All are things that can affect memory. 

Another thing I found interesting was that if we’ve had a debate with someone about something we both experienced in the past and disagree with the other’s perception of it, it’s because the longer the period of time that passes between the event and trying to recall it, the greater the chance we’re going to have some memory distortions and forgetting. Sometimes the time distortion causes us to forget the event totally.

Some things that can cause memory problems are: alcoholism, Vitamin B-12 deficiency (must put that on my shopping list) infections, and drugs, both prescription and over-the-counter. Also, Zola said depression and stress are the most common reasons for temporary memory problems.

Some things we can do to help:

Focus your attention. Forgetfulness may indicate that you have too much on your mind. Slow down and focus on the task at hand. Multitasking and not paying attention are some of the biggest causes of forgetfulness, especially in young people.

Reduce stress. Stress can endanger the brain areas involved with memory processing and impair memory.

Choose to snooze. Zola says sleep is important because fatigue can affect memory and concentration in any age group.

Structure your environment. Use calendars, clocks, lists, notes, and write down daily activities on a planner or use an electric organizer. Store easy-to-lose items in the same place each time after using them. Park your car in the same place at the office each day.

Try memory tricks. To remember a person’s name, repeat it several times after being introduced. Use the same PIN for all of your accounts if necessary.

 

In another article I found online: “Forgetfulness - Tips for the Absentminded,” it gives more tips like for when you lose your train of thought (something I do all too often). The advice?  Don’t freak out. The other person will probably remind you about what you were saying. Probably what I liked best was keep a sense of humor. Maintain a healthy perspective about forgetfulness. Try to laugh about it. And, of course, we all know if we don’t use our brains, they will atrophy.  Gary Small, MD, author of The Memory Bible, advises that we also need to keep physically fit, and eat a healthy diet rich in antioxidants. And Zola says challenging oneself by learning new things, reading and taking up hobbies keep the brain active and strong for the long haul. And somewhere in these articles, but I forget where, keeping socially active is important, too.

I believe these are all important, but I also think the older we get the more we have stored in our brains which makes it much harder to access those little bits of facts and memories.  After all your computer only has so much hard drive capacity, why isn’t that true of our brains. But then, I can remember my mom telling me over and over when I was a kid that if my head wasn’t attached I would lose it so maybe I’m just using that thought as an excuse. I did learn though, that if we have the presence of mind to worry about Alzheimer’s, we don’t have it.

What memory problems do you have?