Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms out there! I’m a writer who’s also a mother. Or maybe it’s the other way around. I’ve had some dream-come-true success as a mystery writer, but when all is said and done, being a mom has been the job I take the most pride in. My son is a kind, accepting, empathetic, open-minded, and hard-working young adult. What else could a mom want? Because of his neurodiversity, I spent most of his school years advocating for him so he would be treated just like any other student and have the opportunity to live up to his potential. Now, he is about to finish his junior year in college on a four-year full academic scholarship, awarded in part for the leadership qualities he exhibited in high school. (Yes, I’m unapologetically bragging about my son.)
One of the reasons I never dove headfirst into my writing when he was younger was because I didn’t have the emotional energy to focus on my creative pursuits while trying to remedy a flawed educational system (albeit with some amazing teachers and staff). But another reason was simply that I enjoyed getting to do all the fun mom stuff—planning birthday parties, making Halloween costumes, going on class field trips—unencumbered by outside responsibilities. So, I continued to be creative on my own terms – writing biweekly humorous essays for a local newspaper, entering (and winning) a statewide short story contest, and tinkering with a cozy mystery novel for nearly a decade.
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| My winning story in the Hartford Courant |
When my son was sixteen, I received my first publishing contract. Even then, I had a hard time making the switch to a full-time working (now single) mom. Luckily, my first book didn’t release for two more years, so I only had to focus on the research and writing while he was in school (and online schooling during Covid). All the extras that go into being a published author – the marketing, signings, and conferences on top of deadlines -- didn’t come into play until he was in college.
One of the favorite book dedications I’ve ever read was one that said (I’m paraphrasing): “To my children without whom this book would have been completed two years earlier.” I applaud any parent, especially a mother (because we seem to have the extra guilt gene), who is able to tap into their creative energy while raising children. I just didn’t have the emotional bandwidth to sustain both. Some moms I know write in the car pick-up line at school. Some get up extra early or write when their kids are in bed. (Or when their kids are lying next to them, during those times their children are sick or unable to sleep.) Some moms even have full-time jobs on top of it all. I have a friend whose manuscript is on submission who has four children. I only have one, so I don’t know how she does it! Mothers are truly amazing. (Yes, fathers are too, but we can talk about them next month on their holiday!)
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| Son reading before bed while mom writes |
When I was in my twenties, I used to be an assistant event planner at a university alumni center, which required juggling many balls at once. I believe I was able to do it so easily because my investment in anything I was juggling was limited, unlike writing and motherhood. Books are like our babies, right? We birth them too. When I’m working on a book, I’m always thinking about the story. It’s like being in a perpetual daydream, which never blended well with motherhood for me. Luckily, there are plenty of moms out there who manage it just fine… or manage it with a lack of sleep, lots of compromise, and perhaps a helpful spouse. But they manage it, nonetheless, with happy, healthy children and a writing career to show for it.
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| My Cheese Shop Mystery series |
Maybe you thought this post would offer some advice on writing and motherhood. As you can see, I’m not the one to give it. Plenty of moms have balanced the two much better than I ever have. What I have managed to do is let go of regret that I decided to wait to prioritize my writing until I felt I could handle doing both. It’s okay to decide to hold off a writing career or, conversely, to go full speed ahead. It’s also okay to change your mind daily as you experiment with different ways to juggle the two. We each have to decide for ourselves how much we can handle and what we’re willing to compromise or sacrifice. There is no wrong decision. At the end of the day, no matter what has or hasn’t been accomplished, we’re still moms and we’re still writers.
Readers: What’s your advice for balancing motherhood with writing or other priorities?
KORINA MOSS is the author of the Cheese Shop Mystery series set in the Sonoma Valley, which includes the winner of the Agatha Award for Best First Novel, Cheddar Off Dead, and finalist for Best Contemporary Novel for Case of the Bleus and Fondue or Die. Listed as one of USA Today’s “Best Cozy Mystery Series,” her books have also been featured in PARADE Magazine, Woman’s World, and Writer’s Digest. Korina is also a freelance developmental editor specializing in cozy and traditional mysteries. To learn more or subscribe to her free monthly #teamcheese newsletter, visit her website
korinamossauthor.com.
