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Friday, January 7, 2011

Where do the Quick Children Play?



Where Do The Quick Children Play?

I am often puzzled by signs. There is no way to ask them for additional information, which leaves me with unanswered questions, such as:

Signs that warn me that ahead there are SLOW CHILDREN PLAYING leave me in doubt about the title of this piece. Where do the quick children play? And are the children I’m warned about speed-deficient, or not too bright?

I’ve learned that we’re supposed to park on the driveway and drive on the parkway but, for heaven’s sake, do not believe the signs that assure you this place is FINE FOR PARKING.

Of the two signs that inform drivers the speed limits is about to change, it seems to me that REDUCED SPEED AHEAD just gives information he or she may choose to ignore. REDUCE SPEED AHEAD tells drivers what to do. I much prefer the latter.

DEER CROSSING; do the deer know that?

If I drive in one direction from my house, I am confronted by a sign that warns about SPEED BUMPS AHEAD. If I drive in another direction there is a sign that informs me there are SPEED HUMPS AHEAD. I’ve bounced over both and I cannot tell the difference. In Jamaica the obstructions are called “sleeping policemen.”

While I appreciate the honesty of some signs I wonder about the wisdom of the business owner, e.g. 10 GROSS ACRES FOR SALE. I guess the owner sold all the good properties. I.V. RESTAURANT CHINESE FOOD TO GO. I’m not in that much of a hurry. WE HAVE MEXICAN FOOD. WE HAVE GAS! More than I need to know.

I was not enticed by a sign outside a Western attraction that announced ENJOY MUSIC AND GUNFIGHTS. I do, however, think they have the sequence correct.

What have you seen that made you chuckle or scratch your head?

7 comments:

E. B. Davis said...

Loved it Warren.
My son was seven when he saw a sign near a window that said, "Don't play with blinds." He turned to me and said, "that's mean!"
"Why?" I asked.
"They don't want us to play with blind kids."
Needless to say, at home we had curtains.

Pauline Alldred said...

Falling rocks always confuses me. How can I avoid falling rocks? Drive fast and leave the area behind as fast as possible. Or drive slow so I can stop quickly. Fallen rocks would make sense because I would know to drive slow and be prepared to drive around a rock.

And what about blind driveway? I would go out of my way to avoid buying a house with a blind driveway. No matter how slowly I drive past a blind driveway, i could still collide with an overeager driver on the way out of the driveway. And how blind is it? If you really can't see anything, I'd probably never leave the driveway.

James Montgomery Jackson said...

SLOW CURVES -- when I was younger I was on the lookout for fast curves, but now in my dotage, slow curves can be just as attractive.

Michigan signs advise thusly: "DO NOT PASS WHEN ONCOMING TRAFFIC IS PRESENT." Gosh I wish I had thought of that first.

~ Jim

Steve Finnell said...

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Warren Bull said...

What about, "Keep this door closed at all times?" Why have a door if you can never open it?

Kaye George said...

I love stuff like this, Warren. My fave is a sign on a restaurant near Galveston: We serve Christians. I've always wondered what they taste like, but I think I'd rather have the lion, thank you.

A fun post!

morganalyx said...

Great post, Warren. Gallagher has the English language, you have our signage! :o)

In one of my loopy moods, I commented on a sign that read: WATCH FOR ICE ON BRIDGE. "Why?" I asked my fellow passengers. "Will it be committing icicide?" Not as funny now, I realize...but in the moment, we were all howling.

Alyx