tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-993649290245605005.post2052080040932082847..comments2024-03-28T18:40:05.789-04:00Comments on Writers Who Kill: What to say (and what not to say)Jim Jacksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15090252530437277145noreply@blogger.comBlogger18125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-993649290245605005.post-8479798350195294322012-11-02T21:57:27.375-04:002012-11-02T21:57:27.375-04:00Terrific post, Warren. Thanks for sharing your wis...Terrific post, Warren. Thanks for sharing your wisdom. I laughed when I read, "I might look good but I feel like sh*t." Man, I've been there too many times.<br /><br />I've learned that a lot of people don't know how to just sit and *be* with a person who is ill. They're so uncomfortable that they say and do things to make themselves feel better at the expense of the sick person. Anyone who can be there for you without trying to fix everything is a gem of a friend.Suzannehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11624472793275282926noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-993649290245605005.post-7687673962319514462012-11-02T21:52:29.532-04:002012-11-02T21:52:29.532-04:00Hi Warren,
Great post. Sometimes people just don&...Hi Warren,<br /><br />Great post. Sometimes people just don't know what to say and consequently wind up saying something inappropriate. I wish your post had been available earlier.<br /><br />Last year I had a rather scary diagnosis with a disease that a second opinion discovered was incorrect. Before the second opinion a friend (of twenty years) went to my husband and volunteered to help with the funeral arrangements when I died. My husband was so shocked he couldn't even reply. While the friend may have thought he was being helpful, they have not spoken since: all because of an inappropriate offer of help.Fiona L. Woodshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13841487756522266914noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-993649290245605005.post-87330229326761993562012-11-02T21:52:22.005-04:002012-11-02T21:52:22.005-04:00Thanks for providing a different point of View, Ma...Thanks for providing a different point of View, Marilyn.Warren Bullhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07789270258599769915noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-993649290245605005.post-50604362483153703902012-11-02T21:08:04.417-04:002012-11-02T21:08:04.417-04:00Warren,
A very good post. These last five months I...Warren,<br />A very good post. These last five months I've been at the other end of it--going to the hospital or rehab each day to see my husband, who is ill. I appreciate people expressing their care, calling to see how Bernie's doing, or asking me to join them to take in a movie or dinner. <br />Sometimes the calls get to be a bit much, so I don't talk for long. I tell myself they care enough to call.<br />Marilyn Levinsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10424778692932139865noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-993649290245605005.post-16397179988241078352012-11-02T18:17:42.784-04:002012-11-02T18:17:42.784-04:00Carla, You're we;come.Carla, You're we;come.Warren Bullhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07789270258599769915noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-993649290245605005.post-48388893829669779122012-11-02T17:22:07.689-04:002012-11-02T17:22:07.689-04:00Great insights here. Thanks for sharing them.
Great insights here. Thanks for sharing them.<br />carlahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15985823239660829148noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-993649290245605005.post-77968453104918038332012-11-02T16:18:45.681-04:002012-11-02T16:18:45.681-04:00Gloria, Thanks for sharing. Gloria, Thanks for sharing. Warren Bullhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07789270258599769915noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-993649290245605005.post-19754533021789702892012-11-02T15:06:27.549-04:002012-11-02T15:06:27.549-04:00Thanks for a good blog, Warren. I usually just ask...Thanks for a good blog, Warren. I usually just ask "How's it going?" giving the other person a chance to complain or not depending on their mood. I also offer to do specific things and give them a chance to say yes or no. <br /><br />It's hard for most people to know what to say to someone grieving from the loss of a loved one. I found people saying "At least you have other kids," offensive when my oldest son died. Although there was some truth in that, it sounds almost as if you have more kids, the loss of one is no big deal. Perhaps the most offensive comment came from my mother-in-law when she came to our house within an hour after my son had died at home. The first thing she wanted to know was how many breaths he took at the end. Needless to say, I didn't answer her. I also found many friends avoided me after he died. I know it was because they didn't know what to say, but one friend showed up almost every day just to have coffee with me or to ask me if I wanted to go to lunch. She was there to listen and that is important.Gloria Aldenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13581719606924364447noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-993649290245605005.post-7795237119079590782012-11-02T14:12:26.708-04:002012-11-02T14:12:26.708-04:00EB, I know its hard. I hope this helps.EB, I know its hard. I hope this helps.Warren Bullhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07789270258599769915noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-993649290245605005.post-21728902065918541322012-11-02T13:37:24.969-04:002012-11-02T13:37:24.969-04:00It's hard, Warren, because people don't kn...It's hard, Warren, because people don't know what to say. They blunder even when their intentions are good. Thanks for letting us know and forgive those of us who don't always say just the right thing. E. B. Davishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16746747050278597888noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-993649290245605005.post-20245695967451026762012-11-02T10:48:38.008-04:002012-11-02T10:48:38.008-04:00Marilyn, Good for you.Marilyn, Good for you.Warren Bullhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07789270258599769915noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-993649290245605005.post-6980196196924064932012-11-02T10:47:53.147-04:002012-11-02T10:47:53.147-04:00Jody, Best wishes to you and your grandson.Jody, Best wishes to you and your grandson.Warren Bullhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07789270258599769915noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-993649290245605005.post-19342759280532944792012-11-02T10:47:01.200-04:002012-11-02T10:47:01.200-04:00Thank you, SusanThank you, SusanWarren Bullhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07789270258599769915noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-993649290245605005.post-62456224986016095512012-11-02T10:46:25.621-04:002012-11-02T10:46:25.621-04:00You're welcome, PaulaYou're welcome, PaulaWarren Bullhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07789270258599769915noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-993649290245605005.post-82854118289665782222012-11-02T10:21:19.745-04:002012-11-02T10:21:19.745-04:00Good post. When my daughter's husband was kill...Good post. When my daughter's husband was killed in the line of duty (deputy) she hated it when people said nothing when they saw her. She said it made her feel like they didn't care that Mike was gone. So, when someone dies, I always make sure the loved ones know that I am so sorry for their loss--and give them a hug.Marilyn Meredith a.k.a. F. M. Meredithhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04179984154939161530noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-993649290245605005.post-21717692166418299132012-11-02T09:58:14.360-04:002012-11-02T09:58:14.360-04:00HI Warren. I've been treated for non-Hodgkins ...HI Warren. I've been treated for non-Hodgkins lymphoma. I think I was lucky. Most people did not say anything that bothered me and did not avoid me. I did have a few folks who think I was incredibly optimistic. I just felt that it did no good to feel despair. In many ways, it was harder for me when my grandson was discovered to have Hodgkin's lymphoma last year. <br /><br />I got many supportive cards from friends and co-workers. I think the cards with personal notes may have meant the most to me. One person insisted on bringing me a meal which I did appreciate once I was past the no appetite stage.<br /><br />I am lucky. Right now both my grandson & I are clear. We're hoping it stays that way & are living our lives much as we would have before we had cancer. He's in college & doing well this semester.<br /><br />Jodyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11816223057478185572noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-993649290245605005.post-10346582844209315052012-11-02T09:56:29.357-04:002012-11-02T09:56:29.357-04:00Thank you for making this post, Warren. You'v...Thank you for making this post, Warren. You've written about a sensitive subject, but have somehow managed to provide both personal insight and excellent advice.susan furlong-bolligerhttp://www.sfurlongbolliger.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-993649290245605005.post-44846424350895676642012-11-02T09:52:53.729-04:002012-11-02T09:52:53.729-04:00Warren, what a thoughtful post. So often people me...Warren, what a thoughtful post. So often people mean well and don't realize the impact of their words and actions. Sometimes, just being available to meet another person's needs is the best response. Thanks for reminding us.Paula Gail Bensonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08843350597811462936noreply@blogger.com