by KM Rockwood
When we write about criminals, often the characters we
invent are thoughtful, determined and clever.
We usually don’t consider the very large contingent of
criminals who do just plain dumb things.
When I worked in a medium security prison, I met both kinds,
but far more of the ones who did dumb things. Like the guy on my work crew who
left, only to return in a few weeks on a parole violation. His violation? He’d
used his gate money to buy drugs at the bus station. From an undercover cop. He
had approximately fifteen minutes of freedom, between when the prison van
dropped him off at the bus station until he was swept up in the sting
operation.
Or the fellow who robbed someone on the street and jumped into
the back seat of a car at a stoplight, holding a gun and intending to force the
driver to assist in his escape. He chose poorly. The car was an undercover
patrol car on traffic enforcement. The driver was in uniform, but he had placed
his distinctive hat on the passenger seat so it wouldn’t give him away. The
officer merely reached up, grabbed the gun away from him, locked the doors and
called for backup.
We all know stories of people who have done brilliant things
like write bank hold-up notes on the back of a notice to report for a parole
meeting (who doesn’t use things like that for scrap paper?) which of course
includes the name and address of the culprit.
And the potential bank robber who was told by the teller
that she needed to see some identification before she could give him any money,
so he hauled out his driver’s license.
How about the one who, trying to wait until there were fewer
people in the bank lobby, swiped his debit card and got a little cash prior to
announcing the hold up?
Then there’s the guy who was stopped on the street by police
because he met the description of someone who had just snatched a purse. When
he demanded to know why he was being held, he was told they were waiting for
the victim to see if there could be a positive identification. When the victim
arrived, he blurted out, “Yes, officer. That’s the lady I stole the purse
from.”
I wonder if he’s related to another fellow who was accused
of stealing a purse. He didn’t have the purse when he was picked up. The victim
identified him and lamented her losses, including an expensive cell phone. The
arrestee said, “There weren’t no cell phone in that purse.”
The internet is the downfall of more than one criminal, like
the guy hiding in a cupboard in his basement while
Someone used a wanted poster as his picture on Facebook. It
wasn’t long before he was tracked down and arrested.
If someone has a warrant out for his arrest for murder, it
probably isn’t such a good idea to announce and hold a press conference on his
plans to sue the police for using excessive force in a previous incident the
way a Chicago man did.
In California, two men robbed a fast food restaurant. They
left the get-away car running in the parking lot. An employee of the
restaurant, who saw what was happening, got in the car and hid it by driving it
around the corner. The robbers tried to flee on foot, but were caught.
More than one criminal has inadvertently butt-dialed 911,
giving an emergency dispatch operator an opportunity to hear, and record, the
details of heist in progress.
Do you have any “dumb criminal” stories to add?
10 comments:
About ten years ago, authorities mailed various known criminals who they hadn't succeeded in capturing notices that they had won the lottery. The notices asked the "winners" to appear at a certain time and place. Many did, thinking it was their lucky day, only to arrive and instantly get arrested and taken to jail. Not their most brilliant moment, but the authorities were shining that day!
EB -- I remember that happened in multiple cities and (this was when newspapers were common and actually had news) it had already been reported to have worked in other cities!
It's fortunate that most criminals are inept so they can be caught. With all the money to be made in electronic crimes, a smarter breed of cat is becoming involved. It will take more effort and brainpower to bring them down, but it can happen as evidenced by the demise of Silk Road.
~ Jim
A woman came into my wife's credit union with her baby. After withdrawing money from her account she sat down for a moment, got back in line and when she reached the teller she said, "This is a holdup. Give me all your money." She had no weapon and apparently no babysitter either.
Hilarious! (As is Warren's take on the robber who needed a babysitter.)
I love these stories. I know I've read a lot of stories of stupid criminals. One tried to get into a house by going down through the chimney to a fireplace, but got stuck and had to be rescued. Recently, I had someone try to scam me on the phone. He claimed to be with the Warren Township Police Department. I live in the township west of that so before he could launch into his appeal for money for his department,which they're not allowed to do, I know, I said, "No you're not. You're a scammer." He laughed and said, "No, I'm not," and I said he was. Then he said "I'm coming out there then." I said. "Go ahead and come." Of course, he never showed up.
No stories to add, but I love these dumb criminal tales! Thanks for sharing.
Love your stories!
E.B, I remember some of those stings. Sometimes they've set up fencing operations, too, with the police buying stolen goods. That has the added advantage of returning many of the stolen items to their rightful owners.
Jim, you're right--many of the more intelligent crooks have turned to computer crime.
Warren, that just shows how important good day care can be to parents!
Gloria, I've had a few people try to scam me over the phone. I usually just laugh and hang up. Sounds like you went me one better.
Shari, Kait & Margaret-- glad you enjoyed the stories.
I just received a text saying that I was to receive $765,000. All I needed to do was send them my bank details. Maybe if the amount had been $5000, I might have thought it was more realistic. There is always someone out there hoping to get something for nothing so these offers appeal to them. So it isn't always the criminal who is dumb.
Grace, so glad you knew enough to disregard that "prize"!
Now, I know this Nigerian prince with some funds he needs to move out of the country...
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