Sunday, May 29, 2016

Tightening a Manuscript

In the writers’ class I teach on revision and self-editing, I encourage students to start big and work small. Start with the largest issues (plot, characters, points of view) and only when those are finished work on polishing the language; otherwise, the time spent polishing may be wasted when that scene or character ends on the cutting room floor.

The penultimate task in polishing a manuscript before the final proofread is to check for the author’s blind spot word usage. That’s what I’ve been doing for the last two weeks: performing the final polish of my WIP, Doubtful Relations, before sending it to the editor.

Blind spot words are ones we have already caught in our earlier rewriting. Some we read through without noticing they are duplicative (shrugging her shoulders—try shrugging a knee). We need to take the ax to flabby modifiers (almost, nearly, completely, finally, totally, absolutely, literally). Filler words (just, so, of course, as you know [then why am I telling you?]) must be excised when they have no real purpose. The list goes on, but they have one thing in common: I find them difficult to spot in my own writing without taking extraordinary measures. (These same issues often stick out in someone else’s manuscript.)

To find my issues, I have compiled a list of words and phrases to check. With more than a decade of experience in this practice I have taken a generic list and personalized it to incorporate my bugaboos. Every novel has generated a few additions to my list and also provided some unique issues. With Doubtful Relations, I was enamored with “morphed” and the phrase “held herself together.”

Doing a search on words like began, started, turned, and finally is a shortcut way for me to catch stage directions in the form of a series of sentences that began when the point-of-view (POV) character started walking onto the scene, turned a corner, and then marched down a long hallway filled with description and no action before finally entering a room where (hopefully) something interesting happens.

Other phrases suggest my writing is telling rather than showing: I felt, I looked, I watched, I heard, I saw, I listened (replace “I” with “he,” which also catches “she” for third person POVs).

Phrases such as going to, planning to, and trying to are often indicative of two-step processes in which only the later one counts. Here’s a made up example: “After trying to call Abigail and having to leave a message, I planned to give my son, Paddy, a call and see what he knew. When I called him I discovered that. . . “I called Abigail, was forced to leave a message, but had better luck getting my son, Paddy, on the phone. “What do you know about . . .” [Thirty-two wandering-in-the-woods-waiting-to-spot-a-bear words become twenty-five direct words.]

How much of a difference can this make? For me, a lot. Working though my list for Doubtful Relations allowed me to eliminate more than four percent of the words. For perspective, that means a 300-page book shrinks to 288 pages. Twelve pages of bloat no longer slow down the story.

I realize many authors and their copy editors must not think that process is necessary. Reading published books, I find numerous examples of characters who nod their heads (again, try nodding a knee), kneel down (kneel up anyone?), tell me in paragraph one what they plan to do and then do it in paragraph two. It drives me crazy.

What about you, what excess verbiage takes you out of a story?


~ Jim

42 comments:

  1. And here I thought I was almost finished! Thanks for adding some new words to my delete/change list.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Sorry (sort of) about the extra work, Sylvia. What are your biggest word challenges?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thanks for sharing such a helpful process. I haven't done a list yet, but go through the basic exercise with my short stories. Will have to do this on the novels, too, but they're on hiatus for the present.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Printed - I always find your posts on writing useful. I have a collection of them and use them often. I'm a just and reached person myself. My characters reach so often in the first draft they might as well be octopi!

    ReplyDelete
  5. just, shrugged, nodded, smiled. I eliminate -ly words. Dialogue tags. She whispered becomes she said with a whisper or her voice was a whisper. I have a master list.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Claire -- I use the same list for short stories, whose one big advantage is I don't do a search on "that" and come back with hundreds of the beast. [Of course over the same 90K words of accumulated short stories, I'd have the same problem -- it's the optics that matter!]

    Kait -- I am going to picture a pod of octopuses whenever I read "reach."

    Margaret -- I attack my -ly words a bit earlier in the process. I find they often serve the fuction of covering up a weak verb. Strengthen the verb and the adverb need disappears.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Great advice, Jim.

    I am plagued by "a" words: annoyed, aggravated, astonished, appalled, amazed, awkward. It's like I once read a thesaurus but never got past the "a" words.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Haha Ramona, although I suspect you meant to pick up the thesaurus to find new ways to say those words, but found the dictionary so interesting you're still in the a's. There's hope though, there are very few troublesome words starting with ax, ay and az. :)

    ReplyDelete
  9. I'm trying to train myself to avoid those pesky "thats" in the first draft. Not easy.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I still have a "hangover" from my day job where I consciously added "appeared," seemed," "reported" and the like.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Like Warren, what I've heard described as "civic voice" used by news reporters lingers for decades. I also have difficulty switching from The AP Style Book to The Chicago Manual of Style.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I'm working on eliminating a lot of different words, however I know I have smiled a lot, and wonder if it's because I smile more than I frown, or is it because a lot of my characters - except the nasty ones - are friendly and mostly happy.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I have a very weird affliction - my contractions disappear. "Jane, do not shoot!!" instead of "Jane, don't shoot!" It's like I'm possessed by the Dowager Countess.
    Plus, everyone shivers and smiles a lot. A lot.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Reading my first draft, you could assume I am writing about a world full of bobble-heads, they nod so often.

    I have discovered that my words to target do vary by what I'm working on. I find a word that seems so right for this work, so on-target, and then proceed to use it twice on every page.

    Sometimes I catch the repeats, sometimes someone else has to. I remember once when the very able editor pointed out that I'd used "swirled" multiple times. In a short story. Sigh. As soon as she pointed it out, I could see it, but "swirled" wasn't on my "be careful about" list. Yet.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Rhonda -- I'm glad to know [that] I'm not the only one.

    Warren -- I find when I have my MC argue, it begins to sound like my business writing until I rework it.

    Gloria -- I like smiling characters as well.

    KM -- yep, I have nod on my list too.

    ReplyDelete
  16. This is perfect! I just removed dozens of entirely unnecessary "finally" and "try to" - thanks, Jim.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Edith, I'm glad you made the effort to try to finally eliminate those words -- crafty devils they are. :)

    ReplyDelete

  18. Bluoxyn Regardless of the purpose you want to take this complement into consideration, but it's far of more significance which you have the whole lot about this complement to your mind because of the truth it's far of complete useless detail in case you use it with out understanding what it simply can do for your frame. This is why right here is its entire evaluation, get prepared to take a look at it:

    Read More About It >>> https://www.completefoods.co/diy/recipes/bluoxyn-male-enhancement-reviews

    ReplyDelete

  19. Benefits Of Ketogeniks Keto:
    Lift Metabolism: Your frame digestion fee can be advanced with the manual of BHB ketones. Besides, it lets in you in getting the Ketogeniks most excessive energy from sustenance and does now not save as fats in the body.

    Control cravings for food: The Ketogeniks Keto diminishes your starvation similarly to prevents you from taking undesirable shoddy nourishments.

    Read News >> http://ketogeniksketoweb.mystrikingly.com/

    ReplyDelete

  20. Debbiesmiracles 't react to eating regimen and pharmaceutical, surgery may get to be vital. Today, most specialists choose to perform laparoscopic surgery, since it is negligibly obtrusive and recuperation time is lessened. Blaze On the off chance that you envision yourself shedding pounds and consuming calories amid typical every day action, you will get in shape and muscle to fat quotients. It cellularly affects the body, bringing on fat cells to discharge their put away fat to be copied as vitality. The nourishment you eat amid the day ought to be scorched off thro.
    https://debbiesmiracles.com/
    https://paper.li/e-1581244226#/
    https://www.saatchiart.com/art/Video-Debbiesmiracles/1497669/7304751/view

    ReplyDelete
  21. Sharktankpedia loyment includes overwhelming physical work will actually blaze a greater number of calories in a day than somebody who sits at a work area the vast majority of the day (an inactive occupation). For individuals who don't have occupations that require extraordinary physical action, exercise or expanded physical movement can build the quantity of calories blazed. To lose one pound, you should blaze roughly calories well beyond what you as of now smolder doing every day exercises. Utilize a calorie adding machine to make sense of what number of calories you smolder while sitting, standing, working out, lifting s, and so on. In case you're eating less calories than you're blazing, you'll shed pounds. As.
    https://sharktankpedia.org/
    https://paper.li/e-1581245426#/
    https://www.saatchiart.com/art/Video-Sharktankpedia-Fitness-Blog/1497677/7304815/view

    ReplyDelete
  22. Governmenthorizons l see in our next step, a better plan would be to do away with the Super Size meal all-together and start eating better. . EAT BETTER As the saying goes, "We are what we eat." If we eat crap, guess what? However, if we learn to eat well then not only will our waistline thank us for it but we'll also feel better about ourselves to boot. One of the quickest changes you can make to your diet when trying to lose is to ditch all the junk food you may be used to eating (chips, sodas, pizzas, donuts, cookies, etc) and start eating more vegetables. Now, I know what you might be thinking. You may.
    https://www.governmenthorizons.org/
    https://paper.li/e-1581246800#/
    https://www.saatchiart.com/art/Video-Governmenthorizons-Fitness-Boys-andGirls/1497691/7304937/view

    ReplyDelete
  23. Autobodycu As it starts, a lot of water will be shed, driving the calorie counter to imagine that huge decrease is occurring. Counsel your specialist, for any well-being issue and before utilizing any supplements, rolling out dietary improvements, or before rolling out any improvements in endorsed meds. A great part of the early onng and recapturing (yo-yo counting calories) urges the body to store fat and may expand a patient's danger of creating coronary illness. Eating three adjusted, direct parcel dinners a day-with the fundamental supper at early afternoon is a more powerful .
    https://www.autobodycu.org/
    https://paper.li/e-1581254466#/
    https://www.saatchiart.com/art/Collage-Autobodycu-Best-supplements-all-people/1497795/7305577/view

    ReplyDelete
  24. To redoubt your pores and pores and skin Bioviderma Serum from in addition masturbation, you may disaster to offer extra tension with the beneficial resource of an powerful and examined antiaging reasonable. Nicely comes the require, this is the luminous anti-aging tow-headed in your growing antique pores and pores and pores and skin? As all of us comprehend, Yon are Exceptional commodities inside the marketplace and customers are improvise b arouse with the seize 22 scenario which brace to apply.
    Read More>>> https://www.completefoods.co/diy/recipes/bioviderma-serum-does-it-really-work-read-review-before-buy

    https://sites.google.com/site/biovidermaserum/

    ReplyDelete

  25. Introduction to Ultra Pure 360 Keto
    Ultra Pure 360 Keto does not require an introduction on the identical time as you undergo in thoughts that this complement has made its mark because it have come to be released in the marketplace for public usage. This Ultra Pure 360 Keto technique is focused at those people who gave up on their dream of fats reduce fee because it does reduce weight and that also in a completely cozy and herbal manner. When we speak about weight loss, proper right here are some subjects that need to be perception about.

    Read More>>> https://sites.google.com/site/ultrapure360ketonew/

    https://www.completefoods.co/diy/recipes/ultra-pure-360-keto-throw-all-extra-fat-pounds-right-away

    ReplyDelete

  26. Advanced Keto Plus In our Advanced Keto Plus see, we’ll monitor to you what this improvement does and what’s in it that makes the path so efficacious. We’ll additionally make provident that you boot the entirety left the set that you begging to earlier than setting your dictate!


    READ MORE >>>>> https://www.completefoods.co/diy/recipes/advanced-keto-plus-does-its-really-works-truth-here

    http://advancedketoplus.mystrikingly.com/

    ReplyDelete
  27. Side Effects of Novum Health Keto
    Novum Health Keto The Producers declare that their supplement Novum Health Keto doesn’t have any unwanted effects. They say that their product Isn’t dangerous to the clients due to the fact they follow all the rules which have been set as standards by the health and supplement specialists or authorities.
    The supplement is also tested for the duration of its manufacturing so that any contaminants will be eliminated immediate.
    Premium fine substances are used for making this method.
    Staff running on its manufacturing is skilled of their jobs properly.


    READ MORE >>>> https://www.completefoods.co/diy/recipes/novum-health-keto-keto-pills-benefits-side-effects-price

    http://novumhealthketo.mystrikingly.com/

    ReplyDelete

  28. Customer Reviews and Testimonials:
    Primal Grow Pro Carlos: Primal Grow Pro is definitely the exceptional male upgrade framework inside the market! Not at all like distinctive gadgets that have synthetics, is it made with natural concentrates and botanicals which have been clinically validated to assist virility. I finished exhaustive research earlier than grabbing the item and the effects had been surely excellent.


    READ MORE >>>> https://www.completefoods.co/diy/recipes/what-is-primal-grow-pro-read-benefits

    https://sacolekqualwas.hatenablog.com/entry/Primal_Grow_Pro

    ReplyDelete

  29. Slim Naturals Not selective does it infection your symbolism both of the advantages of acetone, but it’s additionally virtually premeditated to provide users prevail acetone faster than by means of fasting incomparable. No regularly state of being inactive and wondering if you’re doing things mitt.

    In our Slim Naturals see, we’ll monitor to you what this improvement does and what’s in it that makes the path so efficacious. We’ll additionally make provident that you boot the entirety left the set that you begging to earlier than setting your dictate!


    READ MORE >>>>> https://www.completefoods.co/diy/recipes/slim-naturals-reviews-2020-does-it-really-work

    http://slimnaturalsreviews.mystrikingly.com/

    ReplyDelete
  30. Eclipse Keto Les 9 principaux avantages de Eclipse Keto
    Les avantages de l'utilisation de Eclipse Keto sont surmontables, et ces légions d'avantages sont précisément ce pour quoi les gens de différentes nationalités le préfèrent. Il y a tellement d'avantages qu'il n'est même pas humainement possible de tous les écrire. Et nous pensons qu'il est préférable de nous concentrer sur les résultats réels plutôt que d'en parler. Voici donc quelques-uns des nombreux avantages que vous pouvez être sûr de voir avec l'aide de ce produit:

    • Vous aurez le corps que tout le monde désire
    • Vous ne serez pas moqué ou isolé à cause de votre apparence
    • Les gens s'ouvriront enfin pour voir les vrais talents en vous
    • Les gens qui ne vous ont jamais vu commenceront à être étonnés par vous
    • Vous obtiendrez tout ce que vous voulez, et cela ne sera pas saboté par votre apparence
    • La plupart des obstacles de votre formulaire seront supprimés
    • Les effets seront durables et les résultats resteront à plus long terme
    • Plus d'accumulation de graisse
    • Tu produiras et produiras plus que tu ne sais quoi en faire.


    READ MORE >>>> https://www.completefoods.co/diy/recipes/eclipse-keto-arnaque-effets-secondaires-a-marche

    http://eclipseketodiet2020.mystrikingly.com/

    ReplyDelete
  31. Magnolia Keto
    Weaknesses:
    Magnolia Keto has numerous blessings in addition to accompanies more than one detriments that are referenced beneath:
    It is accessible simply on an online website online, so that you ought to visit nearby stores.
    The cost of the item may be very high.
    It isn’t suitable for pregnant women and breastfeeding moms.


    READ MORE >>>>> https://www.completefoods.co/diy/recipes/magnolia-keto-is-it-1-keto-diet-pills-burn-fat-fast

    https://joveswerse.hatenablog.com/entry/Magnolia_Keto

    ReplyDelete
  32. Biolife Keto Est-ce que Biolife Keto Scam ou non?
    Biolife Keto montre de formidables avantages pour la santé dont j'ai discuté ci-dessus, vous ne pouvez donc jamais penser que ce supplément est irréel. Biolife Keto est le complément naturel fourni avec les documents approuvés par la FDA. Vous pouvez également consulter son site officiel, qui vous montrera également toutes les preuves. Alors ne pensez jamais que ce n'est pas réel. Ce produit est suffisamment bénéfique pour le corps.


    READ MORE >>>> https://www.completefoods.co/diy/recipes/biolife-keto-estce-que-ces-pilules-keto-fonctionnent-vraiment-acheter

    http://biolifeketo.mystrikingly.com/

    ReplyDelete
  33. Vital Alpha Testo My Final Opinion:
    The solution has been inserted 2 inches to my panis and furnished me with extra staying power and energy. Now, I’m enjoying the exceptional time of our dating. This is a magic answer.


    READ MORE >>>> https://www.completefoods.co/diy/recipes/vital-alpha-testo-canada-is-it-scam-or-not-reviews

    http://vitalalphatesto2020pills.mystrikingly.com/

    ReplyDelete
  34. Biolife Keto Biolife Keto avantages de régime!
    Pour harmoniser la façon dont cet affixe aide votre coefficient à tourner, homme de paille, vous devez montrer le régime céto. Voici tous les faits fixes activés sur la façon dont Daedalus:
    C'est un cloquage riche en graisses et faible en glucides
    Les macros contiennent 70% de matières grasses, 25% de gaz et 5% de glucides non façonnés.
    Cela met en vous un symptôme de style apprise
    Votre symbolisme devrait devenir passionné de graisse stockée pour vim au lieu de glucides


    READ MORE >>>> https://www.completefoods.co/diy/recipes/biolife-keto-lire-les-ingrdients-et-les-avis-ctose

    http://biolifeketodiet.mystrikingly.com/

    ReplyDelete
  35. Keto Fab Side Effects of Keto Fab
    Not for using minors.
    Breastfeeding and pregnant women also can be Advised to apply this after the worried.


    READ MORE >>>> https://www.completefoods.co/diy/recipes/keto-fab-1-weight-loss-diet-pills-price-where-to-buy

    http://ketofab.mystrikingly.com/

    ReplyDelete
  36. Keto Lyte Tips For Success
    Before you solo, you are diverted to decline a “before” photograph and an itemization of your substantiate measurements, thrust stratum, import level, also, normally speech, whimsy of a success so that you can construe your results. It’s also sagacious to get plenitude of in activeness and ask your useful resource participant earlier than the Atkins calamitous metamorphose any daemonic curriculum.


    READ MORE >>>> https://www.completefoods.co/diy/recipes/keto-lyte-an-effective-natural-remedy-to-lose-weight-fast

    http://ketolytediet.mystrikingly.com/

    ReplyDelete
  37. VidaGenex Keto Burn This is the fastest time ever wherein humans haven't any time to observe the stern weight loss program plans or move at heavy physical games. Everyone has a wished to get a few short methods to lose the weight that is effective or useful enough.

    READ MORE >>>>> https://www.completefoods.co/diy/recipes/vidagenex-keto-burn-warning-diet-pills-reviews-ingredients-buy-price

    http://vidagenexketoburn.mystrikingly.com/

    ReplyDelete
  38. Biogenix RX Just make sure to use these pills in a limited quantity because it is able to reason serious problems for you as nicely. It contains L-Arginine, that's the element that helps to manipulate your erection stages.

    READ MORE >>>> https://www.completefoods.co/diy/recipes/biogenix-rx-male-enhancement-supplement-details-2019

    https://kjuanonevares.hatenablog.com/entry/Biogenix_RX

    ReplyDelete

  39. Rapid Boost Keto complements your mind interest thru raising the cognitive abilities.
    It performs a detail in maintaining the Rapid Boost Keto thoughts functioning successfully and to its exquisite capability.
    This supplement performs a characteristic in activating your body and maintaining it energized.
    Without Damaging your body or inflicting any jitters, it permits you shed some kilos.

    About Rapid Boost Keto
    This product Rapid Boost Keto works very effectively on your weight losing purpose. Your desire for critical a satisfied and wholesome lifestyles may be fulfilled with this complement. The additives used on this Rapid Boost Keto supplement, is supposed in this form of way that it controls your choice for consumption of food, however on the equal time it offers you all of the important vitamins required for the boom and improvement of your frame. It gives the decide to the frame and along trouble improving your regular health getting rid of yours unwanted body fats.

    ReplyDelete
  40. Ultra Trim Keto How Ultra Trim Keto Function For Your Weight Loss?
    The essential ability is that Ultra Trim Keto attempts to avoid the creation of Citrate Lyase, that is a chemical that is reliable to deliver extra fat by using making the change of extra starches into fat as opposed to energy cells. Along those traces, it obstructs the fats cells in the frame. At a similar time, the concealment of hunger takes place and makes you enjoy which you are full. You don’t ought to consume again and again after a very good supper.


    READ MORE >>>> https://www.completefoods.co/diy/recipes/ultra-trim-keto-effective-new-formula-for-weight-loss

    http://ultratrimketo.mystrikingly.com/

    ReplyDelete
  41. Vitrexotin 4) Its enhance the strength degrees in males and additionally helps to boom one’s stamina notably. The ingredients internal Vitrexotin capsules, while are launched in a single frame, act as an power reserve and offer power to the frame. In this manner, it facilitates you stay for an extended time and carry out a good deal better in bed.

    READ MORE >>>> https://www.completefoods.co/diy/recipes/vitrexotin-achieve-bigger-stronger-erections-naturally

    http://vitrexotinpillsreviews.mystrikingly.com/

    ReplyDelete
  42. Pure Sol Keto What You Can Gain from Pure Sol Keto
    It allows to enhance the physical pastime to the body.
    The one hundred% natural or herbal supplement manipulate the individual abnormal consuming behavior or the appetite.
    Make thoughts loose from any stress or the character will feel relax extra.
    Give you the proper snoozing hours. Remove all symptoms of the restlessness, or the individual will get ok sleep.


    READ MORE >>>> https://www.completefoods.co/diy/recipes/pure-sol-keto-reviews-diet-pills-price-where-to-buy

    https://kojodbeents.hatenablog.com/entry/Pure_Sol_Keto

    ReplyDelete